Finishing.

I've been trying to read "the girl who kicked the hornet's nest" for what feels like forever. The whole series has been hard, but it's just taking me a long time to get through it.

But I know I can't stop in the middle of the last book of a trilogy. So as hard as it is, I'm going to finish it. I'm going to find out what happens, and I'm going to say that I read the millennium trilogy, because I'm good enough to do that, and smart enough, and determined. I'm tired of being the person that has just done 'some' of one thing, or just tried it, or only knows a little. I want the full thing.

I believe in finishing what you start.

Click it.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/pictures-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity

I believe in good people, doing good things.

Favorite TV Couples

Seth: Okay, before you kick me out. Please give me a second to explain. Summer... It's not like... like... Now that me and Anna broke up, I'm choosing you. Okay, cause the whole reason that we broke up is cause for me it's always been you Summer, it's always been you. I've tried to fight it and I've tried to deny it and I can't. You're undeniable.

Logan: I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me. Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. EPIC. But summer's almost here, and we won't see each other at all. And then you leave town... and then it's over. I'm sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over... 

Ted: You don't need your vows. Just say why you love each other.

 Marshall: I'll go first. Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh, you take care of me when I'm sick, you're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing on the eggs before she cooks em, it's called Eggs Marshall and it's awesome. But the main reason is you're my best friend, Lily. You're the best friend I've ever had. (to Ted) Sorry, buddy. 

Ted: No problem. Barney: Totally okay. 

Lily: My turn. Marshall, I love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary, you gave me a sweatshirt that says "Lily and Marshall: Rocking it since '96." I kinda wish I was wearing it right now cause it smells like you. But the main reason I love you, Marshall Eriksen, is you make me happy. You make me happy all the time.

I believe in finding a romance worth writing about.

Bucket List!

http://bucketlist.org/list/AnnaPaige/

I believe in challenging yourself.

do one thing, Every Day, that scares you

When I was in Europe, I learned how to push myself to do things I thought I couldn't; to keep moving when I was exhausted, to communicate when I couldn't speak the language, to be uncomfortable. I want to find that strength again. I don't want anything to hold me back. More importantly, I'm afraid of EVERYTHING, so if I can train myself to think of fear as a motivation, I'll be a lot healthier.

• Separation
• Bugs
• Dark
• Closed Spaces
• Heights
• Doctors, Medicine, Needles
• Feeling rejected
• Talking to strangers
• Open water
• Traveling alone
• Disappointing people
• Trying new food
• Going out to eat
• Looking stupid
• Getting in trouble

A lot of these have to do with how I relate/perceive other people. I am just a generally shy and timid person, but when did that happen? Sometime in college, or even sooner than that?

I heard a quote the other day- "What other people think of you is none of your business". I don't want to completely disregard other people's opinions; I know that I can do shitty things, and sometimes, people are right. There's this weird discrepancy, where you shouldn't care what people think, and you shouldn't be down on yourself- but what if you really do mess up? I think in some ways, you have to be aware of how others see you.

But I can't let that keep me from doing new things. And it certainly is no excuse for my fear of bugs, for example, or open water. So I'm going to start saying "yes" to more things, to get out and stop letting myself put up boundaries I wouldn't tolerate from anyone else.

I believe in facing fears.

Growing Pains

I am recently re-evaluating all the bad decisions I've made, the people I've hurt, and the result of all of it. I've been selfish. I've been needy. I've been an attention whore. I've taken advantage of people, disrespected people, disregarded people, and lied.

All in the sake of making other people happy. All for trying to be something I'm not. Not in a "bad influence" kind of way- these people were worthy of sacrifices to make them happy. But I made the wrong sacrifices. I lied. I spent too much time playing pretend for perfect, instead of working through an honest maybe.

And I hurt people. Because eventually, you have to stop imagining a life that doesn't exist, and start facing the one you've created. And now, people are confused. I have friends who don't know who I am. I have family that doesn't understand decisions I've made. And soon, I'm guessing there will be a lot fewer friends to confuse, because they just won't want to deal with it.

But I believe in doing things the hard way.

I believe in sorrys,

and trying again, differently,

most importantly- I believe in acknowledging what you've done wrong, and moving on.

Counting Blue Cars -Dishwalla

Throw back motivator for the day- I love the 90s, and I love re-finding old favorites.

I believe in God, and asking questions.

Guitar

Harrison, trying to reassure me that I can make my purple camp rock guitar work for real guitar lessons (eventually, we decided I could just borrow his until I was committed enough to buy myself a nicer one)




I believe it's never too late to learn something new.

Short Term Happiness

I've been going through "The Book of Awesome", trying to get myself out of this funk I'm in. While I was in Europe, there were so many things I realized I took for granted- peanut butter, water fountains, public bathrooms. But here I am, back home, still being grumpy.

I decided to make a list of all the things that make me happy- short term. Too long, I've relied on others for my happiness, and my summer resolution is to take control and be responsible for my own emotions and feelings.

So.

• Flowers make me happy. But not carnations.
• Reading makes me happy. Even when I think the characters are annoying.
• Blogging makes me happy.
• Talking to family makes me happy (this might be a long term though)
• Watching familiar TV shows make me happy. Seth and Ryan, Veronica and Logan, Ted and Barney- my easy access, consistent, and always agreeable friends. 
• Hearing guitar makes me happy
• My dog makes me happy
• Knitting makes me...complacent. 
• Making cookies makes me happy.
• Painting my nails makes me happy (and feel accomplished!)
• Sending letters makes me happy

So, there they are. They may not change my attitude towards life, but they can save me from a grouchy day.

I believe in the little things.

Graduation- Pictures I love

I believe in rites of passage.

Self.

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose." - Jo Courdert


"Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." - Sex in the City


I don't  believe in Sex in the City as a life model... but I believe in this quote.

You are not special.

I love this. More people need to hear it, so WATCH. It doesn't take long.

"Even if you're one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you."


Clickity Clack:

Graduation Speech

I believe in genuine achievement.

Dr. Pepper Chocolate Cookies

I found these on pinterest- mine came out bigger and rounder, but still definitely a cookie. Harry said that they were more chocolate-y than Dr. Pepper-y, but I can fuss with the recipe until I find something he likes. I don't actually care for soda or chocolate cookies, but it's still fun to experiment, and these were too fun to ignore.




I believe in culinary adventures.

Timelines -Motion City Soundtrack

I believe in reflection.

YMCA Update

It's been almost a week since I got my membership, and I've only missed one day to workout. I've also started using the weight machines, which originally intimidated me, but now I'm starting to like. I'm already noticing a difference- I actually enjoy my time on the elliptical, and while I may not be a runner, I still get the high. Every day I go a little bit longer, and it isn't even that it seems hard; before, I was amazed at the women that would run for a half hour, then lift, then do another round on the treadmill.

Now, I can't get enough of exercise. I'm no fitness guru- I only like what I like, and I'm not about to start cycling anytime soon (blehh). But I think it's going to be easier than I thought to stay committed to this, and both my emotional and physical health are going to improve because of it.

I believe in finding new things to love.

Change Your Mind -Sister Hazel

I believe in thanking the sun just for shining.

The Fault in Our Stars

This blog is a shout out to Maggie, who is about to experience her first ever John Green assault on her emotions. If anyone has read John Green, you know what I mean- he likes to change direction in his story, and sometimes people could use some warning. But, she hasn't gotten quite there yet, and while I live vicariously through her reading it, I decided to pick out some of my favorite quotes.

“I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)” 


“Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth it is a city of freedom. And in freedom, most people find sin.” 


“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” 


“You are so busy being YOU that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.” 


“The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention.” 





I believe in John Green books.

The Virgin Suicides

I finished this a while ago, but 50 Shades of Gray didn't earn itself a blog entry, so I'm backtracking a little. I've yet to see the movie, but it's on my list. Since it's literary fiction, there are a million quotes I loved, but I'll try to keep it under control:

“In the end, it wasn't death that surprised her but the stubbornness of life.”

“She held herself very straight, like Audrey Hepburn, whom all women idolize and men never think about.” 

“Basically what we have here is a dreamer. Somebody out of touch with reality. When she jumped, she probably thought she'd fly” 


“We couldn't imagine the emptiness of a creature who put a razor to her wrists and opened her veins, the emptiness and the calm.” 


“They said nothing and our parents said nothing, so we sensed how ancient they were, how accustomed to trauma, depressions, and wars. We realized that the version of the world they rendered for us was not the world they really believed in, and for all their caretaking and bitching about crabgrass they didn't give a damn about lawns.” 




I believe in exposing a taboo, rather than ignoring it.

How I Met Your Mother, BW style

I believe in taking more pictures.

Doug

I believe in pottery dates, night drives, picnics, baseball games, and friendship.

YMCA

I finally got my membership card today! I am registered, orientation-ed, and ready to start working out with my new exercise buddy, Megan.

The plan is to go every day, all summer. I want to be able to run 2 miles without stopping by the end of summer, and have real, developed, muscles. I also just want to find the self motivation and discipline to make this happen.

I believe in getting healthy.

Family

Spent some time with my grandparents today. They always have the best stories, the best no good presents, and the most love. I couldn't be prouder of my family and where I'm from.



I believe in Being Greene.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Finally finished! Thank you, Stieg Larsson.


“Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don't have trust, the friendship will crumble." 


“What she had realised was that love was that moment when your heart was about to burst.” 


“Salander's greatest fear, which was so huge and so black that it was of phobic proportions, was that people would laugh at her feelings. And all of a sudden all her carefully constructed self-confidence seemed to crumble.” 





I believe in persistence. 

College Bucket List

1. Finish my reading list

2. Go to Niagra Falls


3. Learn to Play Guitar

4. Get an awesome internship


5. Write a Novel (not necessarily about the internship)


I have on for the summer, as well, but it's taped to my door and far less ambitious.

I believe in goal setting.

Graduation

Harry and Alec had their graduation party today, and (next) Sunday it will be official. I'm struggling with everything this means; it really is an end of an era. Certainly, for them- graduating high school is scary and exciting and nerve wracking and nostalgic, all in one. But it also means I no longer have a tie to Franklin. I am, officially, one of the Pubbers no one will ever remember. Someone who made traditions in concert band, but no one will know who started them. 

It's pretty self centered, sure. I don't need to be remembered indefinitely, and I don't need to go back to high school. But it is a little bittersweet, to think that every year things change so much that I eventually get erased. Coming home after my second year of college, it's easy to see I hardly belong anymore. I'm a visitor.  It reminds me how short everything is, and that I only have two more years left of college. What have I left as my legacy at BW? So far, nothing. Hopefully, this year I can be motivated into being one of "those" college kids, the ones who are brave and inspired and innovative. Someone involved.

The boys are deciding what song to play at the graduation ceremony, and I'm voting for this one:

(Every new beginning comes from some other beggining's end.)

I believe in new beginnings.