In a week, I will be "grown up"

...or something like that.

Anyway, to combat the overwhelming stress of coming to terms with that nonsense, I decided to make a list of the top 5 things I can't wait to do with my well-budgeted salary and adult independence!

1. Visit Barbara, Nick, and spawn- This will probably come later in the list, because I am absolutely useless when it comes to helping out with newborns. It's not even like I can cook to help out. But I can clean, and do laundry, and I do know how to watch a baby long enough for people to shower or run to the grocery store or do whatever other things it's hard to do when you first get a baby. I am really good at feeding babies once they start to do that part, too. Either way, I am excited to go be helpful and see their new house and meet the newest family member.

2. Visit Tyler- Because I have been telling him I would do it for almost a year now, and I never had the money to make it happen. So one of my long weekends (not that there are many, but still enough to take advantage of!) is going to be dedicated to a NYC trip.

3. I will find a new library, church, and pizza place- all staples of moving to a new location, I've found. Hopefully some type of bar that can feel like home, and a nice park. Some type of volunteer-ing is on the list too. Youngstown has plenty of local theaters to get involved in, among many other things.

4. NOT get a cat- someone needs to send me a weekly reminder of this. I can not afford a pet. I do not need a pet. In a year, we can reevaluate the status of a pet, but just because I am allowed to have one in my apartment does NOT mean I should just go out to the first animal shelter I find.

5. Color coordinate- Right now, my living room is a dark red with green accents. Possibly adding either brown or blue. But looking at things on etsy that I could hang on walls or use to organize my life is exciting. I have an extraordinary love for minimalist prints of fandoms I love.

From OutNerdMe on Etsy

Goodbye, plastic furniture. Hello, ikea (I've never actually been there before, so this is another big exciting moment).

Ted the Porcupine

This is a little old, but in the spirit of fall/halloween I'm posting it again. Plus, there is never a bad time for happy animals making happy sounds. 

Following up with Scary Movie Month

The Shining- I think I was in the wrong mood for this when I watched it, because I was so expecting it to be like the book in ways it wasn't, and prepared for it to be different in ways that stayed the same. I'm thinking of making February Stephen King themed, so maybe I'll revisit it then.

Psycho- I loved it, even though I had seen most of the "important" scenes. I couldn't get over how much Anthony Perkins looked like Andrew Garfield though.

Cabin in the Woods- I thought it was absolutely perfect in maintaining a level of seriousness while still being a parody/ on horror movies. Online people keep calling it a horror-spoof, but I think that makes it sound goofier than it was.

Warm Bodies- New favorite popcorn flick. So cute, so fun, and highly underrated. Zombie boy falls in love with girl, which is the cure for zombie-ism.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre- This is the biggest loser of the list. I have never been so aware of how excluded I was from an audience. The answer to every stupid question in this movie: because male-gaze. Why did Jessica Biel have her shirt tied up the whole movie? How did it stay so white and crisp? Why did Leatherface turn on the sprinkler system and get her wet?

Scream 4- I watched the first one a long time ago and had forgotten how awesome this series was. Why is it so difficult to make bad-ass women in horror? Why is it so exciting when we get characters like Sidney Prescott? This was a really great chaser after Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and hopefully the first 3 stay on Netflix after Halloween so I can watch them.

Pumpkin Ideas

My mom is having her annual pumpkin carving party tonight, and while I may not be equipped to make all of these fancy nerd pumpkins, I would love to have them in our front yard.

Pep talks.

Everyone needs one once and a while, and I am just lucky to have an amazing set of friends who are the perfect amount of supportive without getting too sentimental. 

If I ever get married, the speeches will be things of legend. 

Seriously, you're an amazing girl. This is going to be super scary but you'll come out in better shape on the other end. You're Paige Fucking Greene, Denouncer of Basic Bitches, Queen of Picky Eaters, First of Her Name, Mother of Dragons.

- Mitch 10/20/14

I believe in finding your support systems.

The Preface: The Picture of Dorian Gray

The artist is the creator of beautiful things.
     To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.

     The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
     The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. 

     Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
     Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
     They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.
     There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
     The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
     The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass. 

     The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. 

     No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved. 

     No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style. 

     No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything. 

     Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art. 

     Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art. 

     From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling, the actor's craft is the type. 

     All art is at once surface and symbol. 

     Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. 

     Those who read the symbol do so at their peril. 

     It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors. 

     Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital. 

     When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself. 

     We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

All art is quite useless.

- Oscar Wilde

Can't stop listening to...

I know I'm a little late to the party, but if you somehow haven't seen this music video, it is important. This song is not about Lebron wearing Beats by Dre.

All New Things!

New Job- I'll be working at Millwood Inc, which is a pallet company. It's in Vienna Ohio, which is about an hour from home and an hour from Berea, so I will be able to easily get to my two favorite places! My official title is "Marketing Communications Specialist" and I start November 10th. The company was really great with giving me time to handle all the transition (moving to a different state is much more demanding than just causally going to school there) and I'm excited to start being a productive member of society.

New Car- A 2012 Mazda 6. I was originally hunting for a Mazda 3, and almost ended up with a 2014 Jetta, but in the end David Greene (king of car hunting) and I picked this.

It's bluer in person (that's the first question everyone asks me-- only my uncle tom was interested in what kind of engine it had) and as my dad says, "a lot of car." Not in the sense that it is huge, just that it is hearty and well made and the first time I run it into something, it will be fine.

I'm struggling because I feel disloyal to Jarvis for replacing him, and even more so because this car is awfully stand-offish. I drove it home from youngstown and we had no connection. I've since determined that I'm pretty sure it is a girl car, and where Jarvis was a trusty old man who took care of me, this car is a partner-in-crime and mischievous. Mom has suggested that the last owner was perhaps cruel towards it (it has a lot of miles for a 2 year old car) and maybe it's just shy, which is why we're having so much trouble bonding. I think we can all agree it's a good thing I haven't been faced with a lot of serious loss in my life, considering how well I handle losing an inanimate object (which isn't even lost-- Harrison is just driving him now. He's still in the family.)

3. New Apartment- This part isn't finalized yet, but we're getting there. Aunt Lori and I went and looked at a place in Austintown that I liked, so hopefully we hear back from them soon. Otherwise, I have a list of places to look at.

With that in mind, if anyone has extra house junk they're trying to get rid of-- I am in the market. So far I have a bed frame and a love seat, but otherwise I'm starting nearly from scratch. If it didn't fit in a dorm, I got rid of it. A kitchen table and chairs is the first priority, along with something to put my TV on.

So that's all the good craziness that has been going on the past few days! I'm visiting BW for the first time next weekend, which will be really exciting. In the meantime I'll just be trying to tie up as many loose ends as possible!

Happy Founders' Day, ZTA!

Being in a sorority, in a lot of ways, was like having a boyfriend your family never really met. They heard about what was causing me stress, but missed out on the stories of nights where you sat around feeling loved. Partly, it's because greek life struggles with its identity; my chapter is different than other zeta chapters on different campuses, just like zetas at BW were different than other chapters at BW. While a lot of the big fancy words ("family" and "home away from home" and "developing leadership skills") describe any chapter on any campus, I think unique personal memories create a more honest picture.

With that in mind, here are my top 10 favorite memories in Zeta Tau Alpha (in no order):

1. The month that my roommate bought us a caterpillar so we could have a pet butterfly. She lost the container that the caterpillar was in (his name was Marshall) and started crying because she was certain it had fallen in the garbage, which we had already taken out. I ended up essentially doing a handstand in the community trash bins to dig for this stupid pet. But we found him! He ended up living a very long life, for a butterfly, and was much easier to take care of than a goldfish (besides the initial dumpster diving).

The same year, my roommate brought me to formal on a stick because I was studying abroad.

2. Discovering that my zeta family had never seen Fight Club, and getting to make them all watch it since the month earlier they made me watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. Having a bunch of other zetas interested too and turning it into an impromptu homework/movie night.

3. Having my hair done by my sisters. There are multiple occasions for this. Before greek sing my freshman year, my big came to my room to curl my hair and help me. Another greek sing, Gina did it for me (the girl who convinced me I wanted to be a zeta). My little taught me how to use a curling wand, and Becca taught me how not to use rollers. Sisters that would come to the chapter room and play with me hair. I don't love to be touched, but having my hair played with is probably the most comforting thing a person can do. My big did it during initiation when I passed out, and it was this clear moment of "oh, this person is here to take care of me and she's promising to do it always."

4. Watching the clock count down with a different roommate until the applications for EC were officially past deadline to make sure I didn't apply, because I didn't have the time. Getting the email later that extended the deadline and eventually becoming the Vice President. 

The president and I with our littles. Liz's little became VP and my little became President. 

5. Having American Horror Story night in my tiny dorm room and cramming all sorts of people from all different chapters that normally I would never have gotten to spend time with, and then turning it into a tradition. 

6. Sitting in the hallway to do homework and having sisters walk by on the way back from class, go in their rooms, and then bring their laptops out to sit on the floor with me. Honorable mention goes to the day I had given up on homework completely and was in a burrito of sadness, wrapped in homework and posters, and Maddie stopped to give me a pep-talk.

I'm convinced this girl is actually made of sunshine. 

7. The day I got my little. I had convinced myself I wasn't going to get one, and I cried and cried and cried, and then we had a candle pass and Breanna was my (only!) family member. She has made me proud ever since, but most especially when I asked if she would mind having a twin, and she said no (as long as she got to pick who it was). Luckily, we both agreed that Amber was perfect. Now my family is about to have 17 people in it. 

This is the family I got to know best- my littles on either side of me, their littles beside them. I'm about to be a great-great-grand-big. Yikes.

8. Having someone buy whatever the newest released Harry Potter movie was, and being able to walk into the chapter room at any point during that knowing it would be on. Once a Harry Potter movie was in the dvd player, it would just be on repeat until the disk died. I also vividly remember the last movie having a 24 hour period where you couldn't speak in the chapter room or turn the lights on, because people were serious about watching the deathly hallows.

9. Sitting on the smokers' bench. It might be the middle of the night and freezing, but Maggie and I would go out there just to talk. Our whole chapter knew it was the best place for a heart to heart, and you could go out there if you needed one and either someone would already be there, or someone would be there soon. For whatever reason people sometimes have trouble just admitting that they're upset, and people have a hard time asking if a person is upset, but the bench was a magical place where you could pretend you were just casually loitering until you got to the important questions.

I used this picture for two reasons: 1-It's Maggie and I and 2. That Halloween (we were spice girls) someone else dressed up like Ke$ha and the next morning it looked like someone had murdered a fairy on our bench. Sparkles for weeks.

10. Being up at 3am to get ready for Race for the Cure, and having it rain the whole time. There is something magical about a shared experience that should feel hard, but isn't when you're with awesome people (this is also how I remember marching band). Then at the race, a woman told me that she loved the rainy weather because her wig still looked good when it was wet, and it was the only time she felt like she had better hair than people that could grow their own. I will never, ever, forget how proud she was. It was humbling.

Honorable mentions: Getting a backstage tour at House of Blues, My Rho Gamma reveal, every time a sister (usually my littles) brought me applesauce/saltines/migraine medicine, april reign with Minzy and being team have-fun-but-don't-get-hurt, the day Emmy bought me a stuffed platypus because she couldn't find me floaties to help me swim (and then later her little bought me one too), lasertag night, having a bunch of zeta support at Dance Marathon, every crush party I showed up to in an ironic costume, the day I realized I wanted Suzie to be my big, and the semesters I lived in the section and got to wake to my sisters first thing every morning.

Spoonful of sugar?

It's no secret that I love my media angsty and dark. And don't take this post the wrong way, because I am on a mission with my Halloween list (my grandmother gave me her boxed set of Alfred Hitchcock Classics tonight, so I have even more to add). I finally watched The Shining.

But dammmmn, that can bring you down.

I just finished re-reading Gone Girl. I've been doing tv recaps for Stalker and The Vampire Diaries (Julie Plec has Joss Whedon syndrome, apparently. This fan manipulation is getting old.) and American Horror Story started this week. I'm behind, but I've been watching Gotham.

My reading list doesn't look much more cheerful. Lolita and In Cold Blood are supposed to be next, once I finish Cuckoo's Calling.

Last year, Kayse and I had a semester of Noir Films and Fiction and Addiction novels, so at some point we just started calling for superhero days where we would unwind and watch something happy.

So, I need to find another one of those. Gossip Girl isn't really light and fun (actually, it's just as depressing but in a lot of other ways), and I can't watch HIMYM anymore because the finale just made the last few seasons of character development irrelevant. More Liz Lemon maybe? Some Leslie Knope? More importantly, are Tina and Amy always the answer?

Yesterday's Workout

I woke up this morning feeling like I was hit by a truck, and then went on a run to loosen up (which worked while I was running, but once I came home my legs stopped working again).

I usually collect workouts from pinterest and then use onenote to make a notebook of pages with plans for each day of the week. But when they come as a full set, like these ones, I get to be a lazy planner.

So I'll keep doing these until I can do them without feeling like my legs fell off. I thought the legs one would be easy, but I was overconfident. Woof. 

In the meantime, Dad is home sick (boo for him, but hurray for father-daughter bonding). We're going to eat Leonardo's pizza and watch The Shining. I love the fall!

Halloween Classics To Watch:

Maybe I won't get through all of these before Halloween, but it's good to have a goal and a theme for the month, right? Plus, since we don't have cable, it isn't as though I can enjoy the 30 nights of Halloween on ABCfamily.

My Main Priorities:
1. The Shining (1980, Kubrick) I read it, I need to find out what was different, so now is the time.
2. Repulsion (1965, Polanski) We learned about Polanski in my noir class, I need to see more of his movies.
3. Psycho (1960, Hitchcock) You would not believe how hard it is to find this version.
4. The Cabin in the Woods (2012, Whedon) I've worked hard to not have this spoiled for me, AND it's on Netflix!
5. Carrie (2012, Pierce) Nothing against the original, but let's see some female directors on this list.
6. The Exorcist (1973, Friedkin) Because it's embarrassing I haven't seen it yet
7. Misery (1990, Reiner) I've seen the important scenes, but never the whole thing
8. Poltergeist (1982, Hooper) My family didn't watch scary movies, so I'm behind. I know.
9. Se7en (1995, Fincher) I'm considering just having a David Fincher month, actually.

My dad suggested:
Scanners (1981, Cronenberg)
To Catch a Thief (1955, Hitchcock)

and Kayse reminded me that I can't ignore: (although I don't have to watch the 5 thousand others)
Friday the 13th (1980, Cunningham)
Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, Craven)

If I had to pick my favorite thriller/horror/scary movies, I would definitely go with American Psycho, Silence of the Lambs, and The Strangers. I'm way more of a psychological thriller kind of person rather than horror, so I will always choose Black Swan over Saw, but I know some of these are classics. I inexplicably love The Uninvited (the 2009 version with Emily Browning) but even though it's labeled a horror I think it's closer to a psychological thriller- basically you can freak me out all you want with your suspense, just don't show me any organs.

Except zombie movies. 28 days later, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland (ok, I know the last two are more funny than anything)-- I love them.

What are some classics that I'm missing? I've seen Halloween and The Birds, but what else? Do you have traditional favorites?

Top Favorite Things of Applefest!

1. Running Lights for Chicago
This may actually be my top favorite thing since I came home. Having a purpose, and a project, and collaborating with people for those things-- I cannot stress how much I needed that to feel like me again. Beyond it halting some of my existential-crisis, it was also just a really great show. Even after seeing it 11 times, the jokes still made me laugh and the music still got me pumped.

2. Having Visitors
My college roommate Becca came to see Chicago and spent the night so we could do some Applefestering, and The English Majors came on Sunday. In all of undergrad, I only ever managed to drag one person to Applefest, but now that we're all spread out from each other, it makes a great excuse to get together. Usually people think of Applefest as the homecoming for other Frankliners, but it worked just as well for getting the college friends together.

3. Seeing Gone Girl
The book is ranked somewhere in my top 10 favorite books I read this year (someone remind me to make that a blog post) and the author also wrote the screenplay, so we had high hopes. As a book adaptation, it was awesome. As a movie, I don't think it will be as timeless as Fight Club or some of David Fincher's other movies. Part of what I loved about the book was getting multiple unreliable narrators, and that just doesn't translate on screen quite as well.

"My longtime response, the need to remind people I wasn't a dick, I was a nice guy despite the affectless stare, the haughty, douchebag face. So there it came, out of nowhere, as Rand begged for his daughter's return: a killer smile."

4. Gourmet Apples
Seriously, who doesn't love these? Snickers gourmet apples are the first thing I buy at applefest, and normally I keep a stock to last through October. I forgot how much easier it is to eat them when you aren't in a dorm room with a janky knife and a tiny cuttingboard balanced on one of you textbooks, so I'm already out. Which leads to my next favorite thing...

5. Realizing I Can Make What I Like at Applefest
The best part of Applefest is seeing how proud artisans are of what they've made, and while they definitely are there to sell them, they also want to share with you. I love that. People are so genuinely excited about knitting gloves with owls on them that they'll share their pattern with you so you can make them too. I think the real test of enthusiasm a person has for their hobby is how much they want everyone else to love it too.