Here it is! This is the big year! The "you're-a-grownup-now-what-will-you-do-with-your-life" phase of my life!
1) Do one thing, every day, that scares me. Even more importantly, to never avoid something because of fear. I'm going to go to a krav maga class myself, I'm going to give blood, and I'm going to do some soul searching to see what other fears I have.
2) Watch the first 50 movies on AFI's list of top 100. (Is this a resolution? Or a task? Can a task be a resolution?)
3) Work on my empathy-- the balance is the important part. It's like I have a switch, and when it gets to be too much, I turn it off. In the past few years it seems I haven't figured out how to switch it back on. I'm not trying to overwhelm myself with it like it used to, but approaching things less clinically would do me some good.
4) Leave the country, at least once. Canada is cheating.
5) Either learn a second language, or write my damn book. Both of these things have been put off for too long.
6) Try foods that I think I don't like (which is basically everything) and work on having a more mature attitude towards food.
Otherwise, I'll figure it out as I go. I'm not big on short term commitments for long-term goals; I make a resolution every week to go to the gym, or every day to wake up and eat well, but I'm not going to decide that for myself 3 months in advance. I feel the same way about reading and keeping up with the news; I know I should do it, and saying I'll do it in January doesn't do me any good in July. So maybe what I need to do is make my goal for 2014 to be something like "continue to make commitments to myself."
yuck. maybe I should write hallmark cards.
Anyway, it's the new year, you're the same person, be good to all.
[mic drop.]
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Random Assortment of Proud 2013 Moments
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| Backstage tour of The House of Blues |
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| Turned 21, learned to take shots and drink beer, maintained that I prefer milkshakes |
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| Sat on a guys' shoulders while a firehose pumped paint all over me. To techno music. |
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| Dad challenged me to the top of the National Guard station. Challenge Accepted. |
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| Being comfortable drawing cartoons with my date instead of dry humping on the dance floor. |
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| Learned to find the value in being reckless. |
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| Handled some difficult airline issues, and managed to argue a refund |
Monday, December 30, 2013
2013: In review
I've searched back, and apparently there are no blog-documented resolutions for 2013, so I'll just have to go with what I've been working on.
I resolved to not be a crier, or driven by emotion-- in some ways, I succeeded. This year altogether, I cried 12 times. That feels like a pretty significant change compared to freshman year, when I cried that many times a week. I have no issue with other people crying, and I think it's a beautiful reaction. There's a vulnerability and honesty that comes from allowing other people to see you cry. But 2013 was my year to get tough, and I needed to weed out that vulnerability. And you know what? It felt good. Wanting to cry, and then asking myself "Is this really worth it?" made me realize that often, it isn't. Crying is a way to push the feelings out; it hurts, so you need release. This year I learned how to internalize those feelings and process them. Not in a "you need to get those feelings out or you'll explode!" kind of way. I'm not pretending to be tough, because I'm not. But allowing yourself to embrace the sadness, or frustration, and resolve to deal with it rather than be victim to it is a pretty empowering feeling.
Along with that, part of 2013 was to have less pity parties. Pity parties are a form of narcissism; you are so impressed with how miserable your situation is, you just want to wallow in it. So first, I stopped inviting people to my pity parties. There was no need for me to show off just how hard I had it (which was usually not that hard at all), and turn it into a competition. Then, I stopped allowing myself the attention. My really fabulous roommates helped with this; Becca taught me a lot about being proactive, and solving your problems rather than drowning in them, and Deeg refused to give me attention. While I still need the occasional time to myself, I don't expect anyone to notice or do anything about it, and I give a deadline for how long until I suck it up and move on.
Finally, my last resolution, which comes up every year: to be alive, instead of being undead. I feel pretty good about the year, looking back. I flew by myself for the first time. I went to a color rave. I learned how to drive in Cleveland (finally!) and did some volunteering. I danced for the cure. I took advantage of our awesome theater district, and got a role as an extra in Captain America (ok, I didn't actually get to go because of vacation, but still). I went on blind dates. I learned to run. I got more involved in service, and learned how to lead a bunch of sorority women. I took rock climbing lessons, and guitar lessons. I marked off one more on my list of part-time jobs. I conquered public transit. I made friends outside of Greek Life and made some pretty awesome connections in the English department.
Most importantly, I lived outside my comfort zone.
All in all, I feel pretty good about where I went in 2013. Resolutions for 2014 to come!
I resolved to not be a crier, or driven by emotion-- in some ways, I succeeded. This year altogether, I cried 12 times. That feels like a pretty significant change compared to freshman year, when I cried that many times a week. I have no issue with other people crying, and I think it's a beautiful reaction. There's a vulnerability and honesty that comes from allowing other people to see you cry. But 2013 was my year to get tough, and I needed to weed out that vulnerability. And you know what? It felt good. Wanting to cry, and then asking myself "Is this really worth it?" made me realize that often, it isn't. Crying is a way to push the feelings out; it hurts, so you need release. This year I learned how to internalize those feelings and process them. Not in a "you need to get those feelings out or you'll explode!" kind of way. I'm not pretending to be tough, because I'm not. But allowing yourself to embrace the sadness, or frustration, and resolve to deal with it rather than be victim to it is a pretty empowering feeling.
Along with that, part of 2013 was to have less pity parties. Pity parties are a form of narcissism; you are so impressed with how miserable your situation is, you just want to wallow in it. So first, I stopped inviting people to my pity parties. There was no need for me to show off just how hard I had it (which was usually not that hard at all), and turn it into a competition. Then, I stopped allowing myself the attention. My really fabulous roommates helped with this; Becca taught me a lot about being proactive, and solving your problems rather than drowning in them, and Deeg refused to give me attention. While I still need the occasional time to myself, I don't expect anyone to notice or do anything about it, and I give a deadline for how long until I suck it up and move on.
Finally, my last resolution, which comes up every year: to be alive, instead of being undead. I feel pretty good about the year, looking back. I flew by myself for the first time. I went to a color rave. I learned how to drive in Cleveland (finally!) and did some volunteering. I danced for the cure. I took advantage of our awesome theater district, and got a role as an extra in Captain America (ok, I didn't actually get to go because of vacation, but still). I went on blind dates. I learned to run. I got more involved in service, and learned how to lead a bunch of sorority women. I took rock climbing lessons, and guitar lessons. I marked off one more on my list of part-time jobs. I conquered public transit. I made friends outside of Greek Life and made some pretty awesome connections in the English department.
Most importantly, I lived outside my comfort zone.
All in all, I feel pretty good about where I went in 2013. Resolutions for 2014 to come!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Stop Imagining.
“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” -John Green
Friday, December 27, 2013
Dance Marathon
Last year, I decided to participate in our Dance Marathon at BW to raise money for Pediatric Aids. This year, I'm doing it again, but this time I'm also helping organize the event by being part of the Steering Committee (it's like an exec council, but for an event). If you want, I wrote a blog post about the first time I participated, and it was pretty fresh off the experience: http://paigesdetermination.blogspot.com/2013/02/dance-marthon-2013.html
Our money is donated to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation, which has done a lot of really remarkable things in the past decade. I could talk about it for hours, but I won't, unless you ask me. :) One of the biggest things to know is that less than 2% of children are born with HIV in developed countries thanks to work that EGPAF has done (along with PEPFAR). We were also involved in giving grants to the doctors that put a Mississippi baby's HIV in remission in October, if you remember hearing about that in the news this year.
So what can I do? I dance. For 12 hours, I'll be on my feet to help raise money and awareness for our cause. What can you do? Donate! Every little bit helps tremendously. It only costs $19 to give a woman an HIV test that could help prevent her from passing it on to her child. For the same price as a DVD, 2 Cds, a Harry Potter book, or a few gallons of gas, you could change a child's life.
If you would like to donate, you can find my personal donor page here: http://support.pedaids.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1363561&pg=personal&fr_id=1312
I would really appreciate anything you can give, even if it's just $5!
If you would like to donate, you can find my personal donor page here: http://support.pedaids.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1363561&pg=personal&fr_id=1312
I would really appreciate anything you can give, even if it's just $5!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Divergent Clip- Continuity Error
They released this clip a few days ago, and it's driving me crazy. I've spent all this time getting excited about this movie, and the first clip they give us has an error in it? Boo, hiss. Also, of all the scenes to release, this seems silliest and most inconsequential. A warped society, a corrupt government, struggles for your identity, and you're marketing the love story? Yeesh. Anyway, let me know if you see the error. I know I'm totally nerding about this, and no one really cares, but what if this turns out to be City of Bones and a total disappointment? You only get one movie adaptation. We were lucky with Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, but the rest are getting left behind. Please don't waste the potential.
Hint: watch Four's hand when he goes to kiss Tris.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Game of Thrones
I haven't written in a while, or even had a 3 things of the day, because my life has been consumed by the marathoning of Game of Thrones. I get too far sucked into female, first person YA dystopian trilogies (may seem oddly specific, but it's become the new popular thing. Hunger Games and Divergent forged some serious badass female paths). I needed to find something I liked, but wouldn't get a hangover from. Game of Thrones was on my list, and I can spend hours watching it without getting stuck.
So, that's what I've been up to! It's fun, because a friend of mine told me I reminded him of Daenerys, which meant nothing to me. But then I find out that she's a dainty flower turned fierce princess, so I'm all about that! And since a bunch of characters are going to die, it's also fun to text friends that have seen the whole thing and let them know where I am.
I am terrible with character names though, and there are a LOT to remember. I've mostly been able to keep up, but when I explained it to Harrison tonight my names were much easier to understand.
Character Names Include:
Bastard Son with the nice facial hair
Little Stark Cripple and his monk with a nice necklace
Homeless Tonks
Deuschy Pimp that loves the Lady
Guy that loves Daenerys
Brother that has Sex with his Sister and has good Hair
Draco Malfoy as Evil King
So, that's what I've been up to! It's fun, because a friend of mine told me I reminded him of Daenerys, which meant nothing to me. But then I find out that she's a dainty flower turned fierce princess, so I'm all about that! And since a bunch of characters are going to die, it's also fun to text friends that have seen the whole thing and let them know where I am.
I am terrible with character names though, and there are a LOT to remember. I've mostly been able to keep up, but when I explained it to Harrison tonight my names were much easier to understand.
Character Names Include:
Bastard Son with the nice facial hair
Little Stark Cripple and his monk with a nice necklace
Homeless Tonks
Deuschy Pimp that loves the Lady
Guy that loves Daenerys
Brother that has Sex with his Sister and has good Hair
Draco Malfoy as Evil King
Friday, December 20, 2013
Writing
“The first step - especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money - the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art.” -Chuck Palahniuk
A Whole Lot of Feelings
1) I don't watch Duck Dynasty, I don't care that some old southern guy is anti-homosexual, and I'm also not surprised. A&E capitalized on the family being a bunch of rednecks and I think it's a little telling of how token the whole thing was, but I never watched it and I won't miss it.
2) I neither love nor hate anyone for being gay. I love people for who they are, and it frustrates me that there are so many Christians who are only willing to love based on the right criteria. It also frustrates me that apparently homosexuals are going to ruin God's kingdom, but it seems like mostly all they've done is expose how ugly Christians are willing to be to preserve their idea of what God wants.
2a) I don't know how you can be so certain of your understanding of the Bible that you are willing to hurt people for it. I may not be certain of everything God wants, but I think it is fair to assume he would prefer love over anger or judgement. For all you old testament Christians; if God wants to judge, fine, but I also don't really think that's our job. He might be a vengeful God, but he never asked for vengeful Christians. Either you're wrong because you love and accepted your neighbor, or you're wrong because you refused one of God's children access to a loving community. I'd rather explain the first one.
It's always a hard transition to come home to my conservative community full of Christians, many of whom are unaccepting of homosexuality, after being at a college of tolerance and understanding often fueled by atheists or agnostics. What is it about God that makes some people less willing to love others?
2) I neither love nor hate anyone for being gay. I love people for who they are, and it frustrates me that there are so many Christians who are only willing to love based on the right criteria. It also frustrates me that apparently homosexuals are going to ruin God's kingdom, but it seems like mostly all they've done is expose how ugly Christians are willing to be to preserve their idea of what God wants.
2a) I don't know how you can be so certain of your understanding of the Bible that you are willing to hurt people for it. I may not be certain of everything God wants, but I think it is fair to assume he would prefer love over anger or judgement. For all you old testament Christians; if God wants to judge, fine, but I also don't really think that's our job. He might be a vengeful God, but he never asked for vengeful Christians. Either you're wrong because you love and accepted your neighbor, or you're wrong because you refused one of God's children access to a loving community. I'd rather explain the first one.
It's always a hard transition to come home to my conservative community full of Christians, many of whom are unaccepting of homosexuality, after being at a college of tolerance and understanding often fueled by atheists or agnostics. What is it about God that makes some people less willing to love others?
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
The Dentist, Zumba, and Canadians
1. The Dentist- It's a new guy, who is probably 8 years older than me at the most. There has been a nasty cavity on each side of my mouth (making it impossible to enjoy any type of sugary deliciousness without also feeling like I'm chewing on needles) since September, and I haven't been to the dentist since Sophomore year before I went abroad, so I went in knowing what to expect. What I did not expect was a stern talking to about choosing the type of candy I indulge in.
I think I was so unreasonably bothered by it because he told me the way a timid piano teacher tells you that you have to keep practicing the same song; I already know, and he knows I already know, but on formality he feels he needs to say it anyway. Don't patronize me, baby dentist. Then I had to fight with the dental hygienist over whether I could handle having both sides of my face numbed in the same day. Ergh. I know that it's my fault for having been dainty for so long that people are surprised when I'm not, but still. I had my wisdom teeth removed, I can get two cavities drilled in the same day. yeesh. I'm not going in twice.
2. Zumba- I went with mom today, and although I will always remain loyal to the instructor at school, I had plenty of fun. Highlights include Selena Gomez songs and not having to do Jillian Michael's workout today. Water is almost starting to fill the void where my salty snacks usually inhabit. Almost.
3. Michael Buble's Christmas Special- Does he rub anyone else the wrong way? I love his voice, but he just seems like an uber-deusch to me. Also, Canadians should not sing Elvis songs. They just should not.
I think I was so unreasonably bothered by it because he told me the way a timid piano teacher tells you that you have to keep practicing the same song; I already know, and he knows I already know, but on formality he feels he needs to say it anyway. Don't patronize me, baby dentist. Then I had to fight with the dental hygienist over whether I could handle having both sides of my face numbed in the same day. Ergh. I know that it's my fault for having been dainty for so long that people are surprised when I'm not, but still. I had my wisdom teeth removed, I can get two cavities drilled in the same day. yeesh. I'm not going in twice.
2. Zumba- I went with mom today, and although I will always remain loyal to the instructor at school, I had plenty of fun. Highlights include Selena Gomez songs and not having to do Jillian Michael's workout today. Water is almost starting to fill the void where my salty snacks usually inhabit. Almost.
3. Michael Buble's Christmas Special- Does he rub anyone else the wrong way? I love his voice, but he just seems like an uber-deusch to me. Also, Canadians should not sing Elvis songs. They just should not.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Finished the Divergent Trilogy...
After I had a few hours to be upset about the ending, I've determined that Allegiant was a good book. No spoiler alerts, but if I hadn't been in denial the whole time it would have been predictable. It was right, the way Veronica Roth finished everything.
But the feels.
Unfinished Business
I tend to get really enthusiastic about projects, get halfway through, and then get enthusiastic about something else and let the first project sit. Sometimes for years. So I've decided my goal for Christmas break is to finish up some of those projects and tie up the loose ends that have been hanging over my head.
Project #1: The Afghan
I started making this stupid thing freshman year as a present to a boyfriend, and I still have two skeins of yarn that need knitted in. But this is my year. I can feel it.
Project #2: The Tshirt Quilt
I have the tshirts cut into squares, and I have them put on backing, but I don't know how to use my sewing machine. They've been sitting in a pile since last summer, waiting to be put together, but I need to finish it before graduation-- did I mention these were my high school tshirts? So once I finish them, I can start my college quilt.
Project #3: Lose Weight
I'm going to do a whole separate post on the subject, but last year I was not kind to my body, and it's been a process trying to get it back in shape. I'm 1/3 of the way there, and I'm hoping to be 2/3 of the way there by the end of Christmas break. 30 day shred, here I come.
Project #4: Find Something to do with my life
If one more person asks me what I'm doing after I graduate, I will scream.
Project #5: Write some Flash Fiction
The goal would be to have 5 rough pieces that I can use for my creative writing class next semester. I picture myself being an author someday, sitting down to my computer in some chic but affordable coffee shop (I don't even like coffee, so I don't know what I'll be doing there. Drinking water), and writing my bestselling novel. I say I can't do it now because I'm too busy with work, and school, and blah blah blah... Here I am, with 3 weeks of free time. I better have some writing to show for it.
Project #1: The Afghan
I started making this stupid thing freshman year as a present to a boyfriend, and I still have two skeins of yarn that need knitted in. But this is my year. I can feel it.
Project #2: The Tshirt Quilt
I have the tshirts cut into squares, and I have them put on backing, but I don't know how to use my sewing machine. They've been sitting in a pile since last summer, waiting to be put together, but I need to finish it before graduation-- did I mention these were my high school tshirts? So once I finish them, I can start my college quilt.
Project #3: Lose Weight
I'm going to do a whole separate post on the subject, but last year I was not kind to my body, and it's been a process trying to get it back in shape. I'm 1/3 of the way there, and I'm hoping to be 2/3 of the way there by the end of Christmas break. 30 day shred, here I come.
Project #4: Find Something to do with my life
If one more person asks me what I'm doing after I graduate, I will scream.
Project #5: Write some Flash Fiction
The goal would be to have 5 rough pieces that I can use for my creative writing class next semester. I picture myself being an author someday, sitting down to my computer in some chic but affordable coffee shop (I don't even like coffee, so I don't know what I'll be doing there. Drinking water), and writing my bestselling novel. I say I can't do it now because I'm too busy with work, and school, and blah blah blah... Here I am, with 3 weeks of free time. I better have some writing to show for it.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
10 Books that Shaped Who I am
This has been going around facebook, and I've been tagged a few times, but I'm a little intimidated. Only 10? Any 10 at all? No judgement? Well, ok then. Here they are, in no particular order.
Stargirl -Jerry Spinelli
Edit: I can't believe I forgot Secret Life of Bees! I'm not going to add a quote, because you should just read the whole thing, but it needed to get at least an honorable mention.
Stargirl -Jerry Spinelli
“She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a cork board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.”Divergent -Veronica Roth
“Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”Harriet the Spy -Louise Fitzhugh
"Everything bored her. She found that when she didn't have a notebook it was hard for her to think. The thoughts came slowly, as though they had to squeeze through a tiny door to get to her, whereas when she wrote, they flowed out faster than she could put them down."Looking for Alaska -John Green (As if I could really pick just one quote...)
“It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things.”The Perks of Being a Wallflower -Stephen Chbosky
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”Wintergirls -Laurie Halse Anderson
“In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.”Invisible Monsters -Chuck Palahniuk
“When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?”The Virgin Suicides -Jeffrey Eugenides
“Added to their loveliness was a new mysterious suffering, perfectly silent, visible in the blue puffiness beneath their eyes or the way they would sometimes stop in mid-stride, look down, and shake their heads as though disagreeing with life.”Slaughterhouse-Five -Kurt Vonnegut
"So it goes."
Edit: I can't believe I forgot Secret Life of Bees! I'm not going to add a quote, because you should just read the whole thing, but it needed to get at least an honorable mention.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
22 Rules for Being a Lady in 2014; Thoughtcatalog
1. Master at least one dish that you can whip up on relatively short notice, for when you’re having people over and don’t want to be like, “There’s a box of stale Wheat Thins left if you want to fight over those.”
2. Hold doors for everyone, especially older people or people carrying heavy things.
3. Make plans with friends you haven’t seen in a while, and actually follow through with them. (This includes not scheduling things on a morning when you know you’re going to be too hungover to go anywhere.)
4. If one of your friends is a little too drunk to handle herself at the bar/club/house party, do the right thing and remain sober-ish enough to properly babysit and facilitate her trip home.
5. Do not assign moral value to food items, on your own plate or anyone else’s. A mozzarella stick is a mozzarella stick, and nothing more.
6. Always give someone the chance to make up for it if they’ve hurt your feelings, and the best way to start that process off is giving them the dignity of telling them how they hurt you. Ladies don’t subtweet, they earnestly reach out on Gchat.
7. Be happy for friends when they announce big life moments, such as engagement or pregnancy, if only on the surface. (Exceptions of course being made for situations that are seriously unhealthy or endangering.) When it comes time for your big moment, you’ll want the same kind of support.
8. Have at least one outfit in the closet for job interview, one for first date, and one for going home to see family (yours or someone else’s). The amount of headaches that can be spared by simply having a versatile blazer and pencil skirt at one’s disposal are incalculable.
9. Never disparage another woman for choosing and embracing the domestic/housewive/stay-at-home-mom life.
10. Never disparage another woman for choosing a really demanding career instead of family life, if that’s what she wants.
11. Keep a small bar in your apartment with the basics to make a few classic, tasty drinks for a small variety of tastes. There is a time and a place for having only a bottle of Mad Dog and some Boone’s in your cupboards, and that time is 19 years old.
12. Learn the worlds of options there are between “orthopedically criminal high heels” and “computer programmer running shoes.” Find something stylish that also works for your life and tastes.
13. Never base your feminism in telling other women what makes them a “good” or “bad” feminist. Being a good, compassionate person should be your only criteria, and wearing makeup or liking Sex and the City should not be an issue.
14. Keep fresh-cut flowers in your house.
15. Be a good hostess — learn how to make people feel comfortable and welcome in your house, and leave feeling like they got to be themselves.
16. Stop looking at marriage as the defining endeavor in a woman’s life, no matter how much it has been ingrained into you. It should neither be something you actively disdain, nor something you seek out with white-knuckled deadlines.
17. While you are not obligated to like any other woman strictly on the basis of being a woman, and there are certain things that are totally fair criticisms, her weight is never one of them.
18. Do not consume media which you know, before you even see it, is going to make you feel badly about yourself. If you watched the VS Fashion Show and spent the whole time liveblogging about how ugly and inadequate it made you feel, do not give it your mental health next year. It doesn’t deserve it.
19. Always have a backup plan.
20. Give other women compliments when they are sincere and non-selfish, because girl-on-girl compliments are the greatest thing and the mark of a true lady.
21. Do not hold gender-based expectations about who is “supposed” to pay for things. Everyone contribute, everyone do what they can, everyone take pleasure in being the one who gets to treat the other sometimes.
22. Be the one to kiss first sometimes, and don’t ever think that makes you weird or too forward. First kisses are too great a joy not to be shared by all genders
2. Hold doors for everyone, especially older people or people carrying heavy things.
3. Make plans with friends you haven’t seen in a while, and actually follow through with them. (This includes not scheduling things on a morning when you know you’re going to be too hungover to go anywhere.)
4. If one of your friends is a little too drunk to handle herself at the bar/club/house party, do the right thing and remain sober-ish enough to properly babysit and facilitate her trip home.
5. Do not assign moral value to food items, on your own plate or anyone else’s. A mozzarella stick is a mozzarella stick, and nothing more.
6. Always give someone the chance to make up for it if they’ve hurt your feelings, and the best way to start that process off is giving them the dignity of telling them how they hurt you. Ladies don’t subtweet, they earnestly reach out on Gchat.
7. Be happy for friends when they announce big life moments, such as engagement or pregnancy, if only on the surface. (Exceptions of course being made for situations that are seriously unhealthy or endangering.) When it comes time for your big moment, you’ll want the same kind of support.
8. Have at least one outfit in the closet for job interview, one for first date, and one for going home to see family (yours or someone else’s). The amount of headaches that can be spared by simply having a versatile blazer and pencil skirt at one’s disposal are incalculable.
9. Never disparage another woman for choosing and embracing the domestic/housewive/stay-at-home-mom life.
10. Never disparage another woman for choosing a really demanding career instead of family life, if that’s what she wants.
11. Keep a small bar in your apartment with the basics to make a few classic, tasty drinks for a small variety of tastes. There is a time and a place for having only a bottle of Mad Dog and some Boone’s in your cupboards, and that time is 19 years old.
12. Learn the worlds of options there are between “orthopedically criminal high heels” and “computer programmer running shoes.” Find something stylish that also works for your life and tastes.
13. Never base your feminism in telling other women what makes them a “good” or “bad” feminist. Being a good, compassionate person should be your only criteria, and wearing makeup or liking Sex and the City should not be an issue.
14. Keep fresh-cut flowers in your house.
15. Be a good hostess — learn how to make people feel comfortable and welcome in your house, and leave feeling like they got to be themselves.
16. Stop looking at marriage as the defining endeavor in a woman’s life, no matter how much it has been ingrained into you. It should neither be something you actively disdain, nor something you seek out with white-knuckled deadlines.
17. While you are not obligated to like any other woman strictly on the basis of being a woman, and there are certain things that are totally fair criticisms, her weight is never one of them.
18. Do not consume media which you know, before you even see it, is going to make you feel badly about yourself. If you watched the VS Fashion Show and spent the whole time liveblogging about how ugly and inadequate it made you feel, do not give it your mental health next year. It doesn’t deserve it.
19. Always have a backup plan.
20. Give other women compliments when they are sincere and non-selfish, because girl-on-girl compliments are the greatest thing and the mark of a true lady.
21. Do not hold gender-based expectations about who is “supposed” to pay for things. Everyone contribute, everyone do what they can, everyone take pleasure in being the one who gets to treat the other sometimes.
22. Be the one to kiss first sometimes, and don’t ever think that makes you weird or too forward. First kisses are too great a joy not to be shared by all genders
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Inspiration for my Final Paper: Dorian Gray vs. Patrick Bateman
The Picture of Dorian Gray:
“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.”
“There is no such thing as a good influence. Because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtures are not real to him. His sins, if there are such thing as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of someone else's music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him.”
American Psycho:
Monday, December 9, 2013
Top 5 Tips for Not Being a Shitty Person
Finals week brings out the ugly in some people. I know I tend to get grumpy and eat poorly, so I'm no better, but after talking to my college 101 class, here are my top 5 tips for getting through finals week and still having people that will miss you over vacation.
1. Finals Week is not a competition. If I say "I got two hours of sleep last night" the appropriate response is something like "I'm sorry, take a nap!" or "I didn't get much sleep either, we should skip How I Met your Mother tonight!" The appropriate response is not "At least you got two hours! I only got one!" or, even worse, "I wish I got sleep last night!" There is no competition here. Everyone's major has different requirements, we all have different commitments, and there is no winning in finals. There just is not. So if you feel yourself wanting to prove how much harder you have it, how much more tired you are, or how much longer you've gone without eating, go write in your diary.
2. It's even easier to not make it a competition if you don't complain. There is not one person in your university who doesn't have finals week when you have finals week. So whining on facebook or shrieking about how you JUST CAN'T is not going to win you any sympathy points. Everyone is just too damn busy dealing with their own finals week to feel bad for you about yours.
This is not to say you can't share your concerns with your friends, and celebrate your successes. There's a big difference between "I'm so tired, I'm so hungry, wahhh" and "I'm worried about my American Lit test because I haven't memorized all the Antebellum authors."
3. It is even easier not to complain when you take care of yourself! I know that eating poorly is my vice, so I make a point to get enough sleep and take vitamins. I don't function without sleep, so I make sure I get enough. If you're someone that can handle an all nighter and not be cranky the next day, more power to you! But if you also know you need to have your veggies, then make sure you get them. Just know your limits, and value your body enough to not push them. Yes, it is harder this week compared to most days, but we are all adults. In my case, complaining I didn't get enough sleep really translates to "I'm not grown up enough to take care of myself".
4. Keep perspective. No matter how well you do, you will be done with finals by the end of the week. You will forget what grade you get, or which questions you missed, or what you wrote in your essay. It's much harder to forget if someone was rude to you. Especially in a small college like mine, people are always around, and always watching. If you give the barista attitude, when interviews come for RAs, Orientation Leaders, or anything else on campus-- I guarantee she either will be a part of the process, or will know someone that is. And even if you don't remember why you were so cranky that day, she'll remember that you were, and be less inclined to give you the position. Finals week only has to last 4 days, if you don't do anything that will affect your reputation the following semesters.
5. Be kind. All these rules? We break them. We get irritated with each other, we're extra sensitive, and it's easy to snap at people when you don't mean to. Do your best to remember that everyone could use a little slack right now, and assume that they will feel better tomorrow. I think this is the one thing I don't appreciate enough in my new group of friends; when I'm feeling bitchy and tired, they just laugh at me. There are no grudges, just understanding.
I'm off to study some more. In only 4 days, I'll be home for Christmas!
1. Finals Week is not a competition. If I say "I got two hours of sleep last night" the appropriate response is something like "I'm sorry, take a nap!" or "I didn't get much sleep either, we should skip How I Met your Mother tonight!" The appropriate response is not "At least you got two hours! I only got one!" or, even worse, "I wish I got sleep last night!" There is no competition here. Everyone's major has different requirements, we all have different commitments, and there is no winning in finals. There just is not. So if you feel yourself wanting to prove how much harder you have it, how much more tired you are, or how much longer you've gone without eating, go write in your diary.
2. It's even easier to not make it a competition if you don't complain. There is not one person in your university who doesn't have finals week when you have finals week. So whining on facebook or shrieking about how you JUST CAN'T is not going to win you any sympathy points. Everyone is just too damn busy dealing with their own finals week to feel bad for you about yours.
This is not to say you can't share your concerns with your friends, and celebrate your successes. There's a big difference between "I'm so tired, I'm so hungry, wahhh" and "I'm worried about my American Lit test because I haven't memorized all the Antebellum authors."
3. It is even easier not to complain when you take care of yourself! I know that eating poorly is my vice, so I make a point to get enough sleep and take vitamins. I don't function without sleep, so I make sure I get enough. If you're someone that can handle an all nighter and not be cranky the next day, more power to you! But if you also know you need to have your veggies, then make sure you get them. Just know your limits, and value your body enough to not push them. Yes, it is harder this week compared to most days, but we are all adults. In my case, complaining I didn't get enough sleep really translates to "I'm not grown up enough to take care of myself".
4. Keep perspective. No matter how well you do, you will be done with finals by the end of the week. You will forget what grade you get, or which questions you missed, or what you wrote in your essay. It's much harder to forget if someone was rude to you. Especially in a small college like mine, people are always around, and always watching. If you give the barista attitude, when interviews come for RAs, Orientation Leaders, or anything else on campus-- I guarantee she either will be a part of the process, or will know someone that is. And even if you don't remember why you were so cranky that day, she'll remember that you were, and be less inclined to give you the position. Finals week only has to last 4 days, if you don't do anything that will affect your reputation the following semesters.
5. Be kind. All these rules? We break them. We get irritated with each other, we're extra sensitive, and it's easy to snap at people when you don't mean to. Do your best to remember that everyone could use a little slack right now, and assume that they will feel better tomorrow. I think this is the one thing I don't appreciate enough in my new group of friends; when I'm feeling bitchy and tired, they just laugh at me. There are no grudges, just understanding.
I'm off to study some more. In only 4 days, I'll be home for Christmas!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Christmas Gift Exchange!
My english major friends got together and did a Christmas party, complete with a secret Santa. I made Kayse a bouquet of flowers out of comic books (I wish I had taken a picture of it. I went through 9 episodes of 30 Rock while making it-- that's my unit of time now). Mitch got me a Kurt Vonnegut book and some sexy bookmarks:
My gentlemen.
There were some other awesome presents that went around, but I might steal the ideas to make gifts for other people that read this so I'm not revealing until later. The basic premise of every gift was some type of nerdy fandom, which further solidified that I've made the right friends.
My gentlemen.
There were some other awesome presents that went around, but I might steal the ideas to make gifts for other people that read this so I'm not revealing until later. The basic premise of every gift was some type of nerdy fandom, which further solidified that I've made the right friends.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Holy Matrimony, Batman
I promised myself I wouldn't become one of those bitter people that complain when their friends get married, and this isn't about to be that. But it's impossible not to be aware of the fact that it is candle pass season.
(For all you nongreeks, candle passes are a ritual that reveals either a lavaliering, engagement, sweethearting, or occasionally other "big news")
There have been multiple engagements this week, and my roommate is one perfect date away from coming home with a ring. I think in the back of my mind, I always kind of assumed I would graduate at least knowing who I would eventually marry, even if we weren't engaged. Not because college is some type of bachelor collecting environment, just because once I graduate I don't know how I'm going to meet anyone. Not that I won't, or I can't, just that it seems much more likely that I would do it in college rather than a coffee shop.
I don't dream about my wedding day, or the perfect wedding dress, or plan out my bridesmaids. When the time comes that will be fun, but for now I'm not daydreaming about it. I'm watching some TLC wedding dress show right now for the first time in years, and it all sounds very stressful.
[Although, note to Barbara: this girl just got a white dress with white polka dots on it, and I thought of you.]
Anyway, I'm mostly focusing on what's next, which for me, isn't getting married. I've finally decided where I want to be next year (Chicago! If I'm not teaching abroad, of course. Still getting those applications out.) and so instead of searching through dream dresses, I've been searching for apartments.
Not exactly candle pass worthy, and I don't think anyone outside of my immediate family cares, but I'm excited for me.
(For all you nongreeks, candle passes are a ritual that reveals either a lavaliering, engagement, sweethearting, or occasionally other "big news")
There have been multiple engagements this week, and my roommate is one perfect date away from coming home with a ring. I think in the back of my mind, I always kind of assumed I would graduate at least knowing who I would eventually marry, even if we weren't engaged. Not because college is some type of bachelor collecting environment, just because once I graduate I don't know how I'm going to meet anyone. Not that I won't, or I can't, just that it seems much more likely that I would do it in college rather than a coffee shop.
I don't dream about my wedding day, or the perfect wedding dress, or plan out my bridesmaids. When the time comes that will be fun, but for now I'm not daydreaming about it. I'm watching some TLC wedding dress show right now for the first time in years, and it all sounds very stressful.
[Although, note to Barbara: this girl just got a white dress with white polka dots on it, and I thought of you.]
Anyway, I'm mostly focusing on what's next, which for me, isn't getting married. I've finally decided where I want to be next year (Chicago! If I'm not teaching abroad, of course. Still getting those applications out.) and so instead of searching through dream dresses, I've been searching for apartments.
Not exactly candle pass worthy, and I don't think anyone outside of my immediate family cares, but I'm excited for me.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Meyers-Briggs
I retook the test after taking it freshman year, and I went from an INFJ to an INTJ, which came as very little surprise to me.
Some fun facts about my personality type:
- Only 2% of Americans are INTPs; only 1-3% of Females are INTJs. The woman who administered the test said specifically it is the T and the F (thinking vs feeling) that makes the difference; gender roles generally dictate men be thinkers, and women be feelers. Of the 15ish women in the room that had taken the test, only myself and one other sister were thinkers.
-Fictional Characters According to Pinterest: House, Sherlock, and Basil [all pretty much the same characters from different franchises] and Draco Malfoy
- Known as "The Mastermind" or "The Planner"
-Sometimes has trouble showing affection and can come off as arrogant due to their need for space and objective thinking
-When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal
Some fun facts about my personality type:
- Only 2% of Americans are INTPs; only 1-3% of Females are INTJs. The woman who administered the test said specifically it is the T and the F (thinking vs feeling) that makes the difference; gender roles generally dictate men be thinkers, and women be feelers. Of the 15ish women in the room that had taken the test, only myself and one other sister were thinkers.
-Fictional Characters According to Pinterest: House, Sherlock, and Basil [all pretty much the same characters from different franchises] and Draco Malfoy
- Known as "The Mastermind" or "The Planner"
-Sometimes has trouble showing affection and can come off as arrogant due to their need for space and objective thinking
-When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal
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