Bilingualism and things that Impress Me

It's no secret that one of my goals is to become multi-lingual. My fatal flaw is that I get too excited on new projects before I finish ones I'm on; as a result, I have 3 years of Spanish, 1 year of French, some basic Italian, and a month of immersive Dutch. None of these languages do I have enough of a grasp of to call myself bilingual, which is why I'm so fascinated by the idea. I feel like when I started here, I had so many questions for my host family just about the way they processed different languages; if they were tired, were they less likely to understand me? Was it exhausting to be around me, and would they prefer time to speak in their native tongue without constantly having to translate? Everyone wants to know what language people dream in-- while I didn't dream in full Dutch sentences, it was like a song getting stuck in your head, and I would have words and sounds and accents in my dreams. 

So, two things that most impressed me/ I was most grateful for:

1) Mumbling to yourself. My host father would do this a lot, and he would do it in English when I was around, which I found incredibly endearing. Knowing that even though he wasn't really speaking to me, but was just keeping me included, was something that you don't really value unless you spend a lot of time hearing a language you can't understand. This same philosophy applies to speaking to animals.

2) Fast Code Switching. We learn about this in every communications class, but until I saw my host mom sit at a party and follow three conversations (each in a different language) I didn't realize just how badly I wanted to know every language ever. It's one thing to concentrate and second-guess your grammar, but it's another to passively be able to listen and jump from multiple languages.

So while this adventure isn't going to end in my being bilingual, I do have even more appreciation for it and am even more determined to commit to a second language (I think I'm going to stick to Spanish for a while, though). 

How to not look like an American tourist

I had a really busy day in Amsterdam, but the pictures won't be up until next Monday when I'm home and can use my laptop, and I don't want to ruin any captions by giving away the stories. So to tide everyone over, I'm going to give some tips on not standing out when traveling in Europe. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with just owning up to your touristy-ness, or that you should be ashamed of being American. I love a good audio tour more than anything else (seriously, I will head straight for the tiny speakers on lanyards if they're available), and at some point you just have to own up to the fact that if you were a native of the country you wouldn't be in such a busy tourist area. But, for the insecure traveler, a few tips:

1. Don't carry a heavy bag- this isn't to say you can't have a big bag (although they can be a pain if you're going to a museum) but you shouldn't have it stuffed full. No one looks casual carrying a picnic in their purse. The exception to this is baby bags; I don't think it matters where you are, parents will always have lots of stuff. So, big tendy bars are fine, but bursting saggy purses bad.

2. Wear sunglasses- Pickpockets look for people that look lost, or are looking around and aren't focused on their stuff. But you're visiting somewhere new! You want to look around! That's why I always wear sunglasses; it's also good for pushy store owners, because they can't tell if you're looking at their stuff. 

3. Find a pace- for whatever reason, Europeans can pick out Americans because we supposedly have a certain walk. Something to do with us being fast walkers. Who knew? But in the 5 countries I've been to, it's been pointed out every time. So take your time and don't make everything a hike (depending on the country, getting onto a train or metro is a different story). You don't want to look like you don't have anywhere to go though-- I tend to get lost a lot and have to turn around in the middle of streets, which I always feel silly doing. On top of all this, carrying a map with you and constantly looking at it isn't subtle either. So I haven't found a way to really solve this problem, other than just walking confidently in circles until you find where you're going. 

4. Be aware of your style- Bright colors, sneakers, and big ugly coats are trademark American. It seems like everyone here has nice leather jackets or a warm blazer. The first time I was in Europe I had this brig blue awful windbreaker, and at one point some guy shouted that I looked like a dumbass American in it. I have since tried to make more of an effort in my outerwear. Also, don't buy city tshirts or hoodies and wear them around town if you want to blend. Only tourists buy those. You're better off finding a university and buying something from them--- although sweatpants are really not a thing here, so the comfy clothes stay home. 

5. Carry reading material In a different language- I know this seems really silly, but it's cheaper anyways and sometimes it's just fun to see if you can blend. I have some Dutch fashion magazines, and it's not like I really read them anyway. But it always feels like a win when someone on the train asks me a question in Dutch because they assume I know what I'm doing and can understand them. It's a double win when I do know the answer and can respond in Dutch! 

If you're really that self-conscious, you can always fake a British accent and pretending your visiting from the UK. If nothing else, people are at least less likely to argue with you about George Bush. 

Au Pair Lessons (or why I will be more sensitive to Moms)

Today, I got to wear makeup. It isn't the first time in the last 5 weeks, but I can certainly count the amount of times I've felt pretty on one hand. And it is amazing how much of a difference it makes.

I totally get (or maybe I don't, but I'm at least closer understanding) why new moms have so many big victories with small events. Having time to myself this morning to feel pretty? I feel so much more like a person. I'm going shopping today, and people will see me and I will exist outside the perception of two little girls. I am desirable beyond my ability to make a Nutella sandwich.

So new moms, I get it. I get why leaving the house for the first time or wearing makeup or a lot of other seemingly small things are so important to feeling like you are a complex and real individual. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that here is a lot to that parenting thing and I will be a lot less critical in the future. Becky Greene made it seem easy, but not everyone was created like her. 

It also has made me really aware of how much work I must have been for other adults-- I so much more appreciate how hard my Grammy worked to teach me that being bored meant you were boring, or my adopted aunts and uncles that always managed to make me feel important even though they were at our house to see my parents (love you Soni, Ray, Dan and Bill!). I appreciate my grandmother and grandfather for how much time I spent at their house, and how well they tolerated all my crying. I appreciate boofs from my uncle peter, and letters from my aunt Joanna, and that my aunt Lori was like a second mother and my uncle Bill always sent the best birthday cards (seriously, I always saved his for last because he is the best at picking them out). I'm thankful for my church families, especially the Baker family, because even though I was kind of a spaz for a while they never treated me that way. 

I have a lot more thank yous from people that helped in the present, and I know I didn't get everyone, but holy cow am I grateful for all you people that watched me grow up.

Almost the Weekend!

Today was a lovely day! It's always nice when I start the morning off by solving some problems, and I had an invoice fromfedex that I needed to pay that ended up being easier than I anticipated. Winning. Then we went to horseback riding, where apparently my form is getting better (I'm still not good at trotting). The girls got a backyard tennis game, so we were outside with that for a while, then Vanessa took us to Boxtel for a little shopping and to stop at a place I've heard about since my first day: Brownies and Downies.

They only serve 4 different items, as far as I can tell (blondies,plain brownies, Appel tart, and something else) and some drinks. The brownies were good but not exceptional, but the whole magic of it is that the restaurant is owned and run exclusively by people with Down syndrome, hence the name. I decided if they weren't offended, I wasn't either.

It was actually the perfect brownie for me because it wasn't super chocolatey and was kind of dry, so I loved it, but I can understand why other people might not be impressed. I'm going to try to go again before I leave, because it was cheap, and in a cute part of town, and I found it all endearing. 

We agreed to make a shopping trip tomorrow to Den Bosch so I can go to H&M and a few other stores, and then we stopped to watch more of the bodies come through. We also watched them load the coffins into the cars (on TV). It was so ceremonial and respectful. I hope you're able to find video on YouTube, but here's a photo from today. It was raining and dinner time, and there were still people lined up to pay their respects.

Honoring the Dead

I can't remember what I've said about this- but as the bodies from the plane crash arrive in Eindhoven (which is very close to me, if you look on a map) they take them through the country and people line up on the roads to pay their respects. Yesterday 40 hearses went through our town; today it was 74. They still only have a third of the bodies. People line the streets to see this cars stop on the road, and in Amsterdam there was a beautiful reception of people wearing white and bringing flowers and stuffed an imams and everything else. It's weird to describe something so sad as also being beautiful, but that's the best way I can describe it. This is one unified country.

I want to stress that as the hearses to by, you can see the coffins inside. The only thing worse than a child-sized coffin. is multiple child-sized coffins. 

No good, Very bad Yesterday

Ok. The first time I wrote this it all disappeared, so well do the short version. 

1- this morning the Labrador got ahold of one of the yorkie puppies and it was awful. I will not give you that image, but it was the worst. Literally a dog eat dog world (thanks, kayse,for the ill timed joke). Christoph had to come back because the lab was acting crazy, and the girls were obviously upset (I tried to keep them from seeing) but it was not a good way to start the morning.

2- I took the girls to this playground indoor camping area to keep their minds off it, and stalled the car on the way there and people were rude. Whatever. Also, the girls make me nervous in public because I can't communicate very well what I want from them. 

3- my flight home had complications, I had to call the company 5 times, mom had to impersonate me and call the bank because my card wouldn't take, and finally I just had to use moms card. 

4- the bodies have started drive though the country in hearses and the girls went with their grandma to watch, but they were in a hurry to go and didn't have time to explain to to me so I could come. It will be happening several times more though.

There were other little things that I cry to my mother or kayse about, but here is not the place. I'm just tired and ready to come home and be done with everything being harder than it needs to be. 

Important News

Hello, blog family.

First, I want to say I'm sorry the pictures still haven't come. I can't get any of my apple products to talk to each other, and the charger still hasn't come for my laptop. I'm just not going to worry about it.

Second, I am coming home next Sunday.

I've known for a week now, but I was disappointed and upset and didn't feel like making it public knowledge. My family knows and a few close friends. This was my decision, and it was the right decision for me, but just like with any job it seems inappropriate to discuss the whys online. There were several factors that went into my decision, and when I get home on August 3rd you are welcome to plan a coffee date with me and I will talk about it then. I feel confident that this was the best thing for both me and the family, and while they are disappointed, they still treat me well and here are no bad feelings.

This is especially stressful because I have to make a new plan all over again, and I'll need to find a job and make some big decisions a year before I expected to. But it's what I want, so I'm excited about it (while also feeling totally clueless). 

Anyway, keep me in your prayers if that's a thing you do, because it hasn't been easy and I'm sure it won't get easier for a while now. Give my mom a hug if you see her. Thank you for all of your support.

I believe in moving forward.

3 fun facts, and one not

1) in the Netherlands, they play heads or tails, but since they also have different currency it doesn't translate to heads or tails-- I forget, but it's something like mint and kop? But since one side of the euro doesn't have a head like ours does, it doesn't really make sense for it to be heads or tails. 

2) in th Netherlands, Dora teaches English instead of Spanish, and speaks Dutch. So when I sang "come on, vamanos" they knew it! Also, I am realizing that there is some amazing dubbing on these Disney channel shows- there mouths are always moving or closed when they're supposed to be.

3) there is a Dutch translation for supercalafradgilisticexpealidocious. I'm sure that's not even how you spell it in English, so I won't try for the Dutch version, but yes. They have a different word with an equal amount of ridiculous syllables.

Unfun Fact:

I don't have time to write about it in detail, but I hope you are all following the plane that left from Amsterdam and was shot down in th Ukraine. 192 Dutch people were killed, and it is about them. No one here cares what the USA is saying, or doing, or how many Americans were on the plane (very few, less than 5) and we are not th center of the universe as our media would have us believe. This is a very small country and that was a lot of people to lose. This could be an act that leads into another Cold War, or another real war, and people here are thinking about if they need to leave the country. In the USA, we have the convenience of being geographically separated from almost everyone. In Europe, everyone has to worry about what's happening next door. 

3 fun facts, and one not

1) in the Netherlands, they play heads or tails, but since they also have different currency it doesn't translate to heads or tails-- I forget, but it's something like mint and kop? But since one side of the euro doesn't have a head like ours does, it doesn't really make sense for it to be heads or tails. 

2) in th Netherlands, Dora teaches English instead of Spanish, and speaks Dutch. So when I sang "come on, vamanos" they knew it! Also, I am realizing that there is some amazing dubbing on these Disney channel shows- there mouths are always moving or closed when they're supposed to be.

3) there is a Dutch translation for supercalafradgilisticexpealidocious. I'm sure that's not even how you spell it in English, so I won't try for the Dutch version, but yes. They have a different word with an equal amount of ridiculous syllables.

Unfun Fact:

I don't have time to write about it in detail, but I hope you are all following the plane that left from Amsterdam and was shot down in th Ukraine. 192 Dutch people were killed, and it is about them. No one here cares what the USA is saying, or doing, or how many Americans were on the plane (very few, less than 5) and we are not th center of the universe as our media would have us believe. This is a very small country and that was a lot of people to lose. This could be an act that leads into another Cold War, or another real war, and people here are thinking about if they need to leave the country. In the USA, we have the convenience of being geographically separated from almost everyone. In Europe, everyone has to worry about what's happening next door. 

Birthday Parties, Kermis, and Probably not Typical Dutch

Yesterday I met up with the fairy god mothers of au pairs to hang out for a while before going to a birthday party and then seeing the Kermis. The Kermis is this huge traveling fair in Holland, but more on that later. 

Shopping: was a bust. She took me to a few stores, but on Saturday, everything closes at 5. Very different then in America. All the stores closed, the cafés were closed, so there wasn't much to do. It's also been really hot here, around 90 degrees, so I was over walking around in the sun anyway. 

Birthday party: it was a group of old au pairs who now have different jobs but get together when they can. The girls were all from the Philippines with Dutch boyfriends, but everyone spoke English. The highlight of the dinner was when they asked me about how american citizenship works, and if it was really true you could become a citizen just by marrying one, and the only frame of reference I had was having watched The Proposal. Also, they made stuffed peppers, which made me miss Ryan and Kayse. 

Kermis: I wouldn't want people to judge America based on what they saw at the fireman's fair.  There was a lot of littering, a lot of rude people shoving, and I have no reason to assume it was Dutch culture over trashy culture. Not a good way to start your introduction to a new society, though. People like to say "oh that is typical Dutch" here, and I don't think it's fair to assume what I saw was so typical. 

- I tried oillyballen, which is just fried dough with raisins in it. It's their version of an elephant ear, and translates to "oily ball" which sounds awful but really isn't anything different than what we would eat at a fair. I have not done the raw herring with onions. 

- I rode a Ferris wheel and will post pictures of that later (the pictures are on my iPhone, and I'm writing this from my iPad)

- I have been disappointed with the lack of proud LGBT couples in this country, since I was expecting a lot more, but I did find "De Lolli Pop" which was a gay bar that made it seem like maybe this could be the liberal country people kept telling me it was. Also, Monday is Pink Monday, where proud lesbians parade around wearing all pink. It does not mean breast cancer awareness here.

- The best communication malfunction to happen so far: one of the guys we were with told me that there were a lot of "hookahs" on the streets here, and I told him I could definitely smell them, because there was some weed smell going on. But what he meant was "hookers," so he looked at me like I was the weirdest person he had met. I will never live that down. 

Summer time.

Indeed you get out of habit with a blog, it takes a little self-discipline to get back. I still don't have a charger for my laptop, and typing on my iPad is the worst (seriously, how did I do that all through seminar in Europe? Such typos, much spelling). 

There's a lot to catch everyone up on, so this weekend I'll try to backtrack some. Mostly, it has been really hot here-yesterday around 90-- and I am really wimpy when it comes to heat. Thankfully it cools down a lot at night so I haven't had trouble sleeping, but between heat and my allergies I've been fighting headaches and migraines the last few days. 

Spent a lot of time watching the girls at the pool this week--in the Netherlands, you say "bombeje!"  Instead of cannonball. So there's your fun fact that I know you've all missed. 

Wins and Losses today

Today was the first day of summer vacation (in the Netherlands, they only get 6 weeks) which means all the routine I learned in the last three weeks becomes irrelevant and now we have a new, more lax schedule. Just to keep this short, let's do the day by wins and losses:

Losses (so we can end with wins!):

- I now work twice  as many hours without getting paid more. Normally I have time off in the afternoons when they girls are at school, but now I'm pretty much trapped in the house.

- My car's exhaust pipe is loose, so I can't drive the girls anywhere.

- my laptop charger died, so I'm currently typing this from my iPad (which, yay technology, but I charge my iPad on my MacBook, so that will be gone soon too)

- spotify and Netflix are officially onto me being outside of the country and have stopped working.

- today the fancy fish tank started erupting and flooding the corner, and I couldn't figure out how to call Vanessa or Christoph because apparently I am international phone illiterate. Since the girls are  6 and 8, I assumed they would know how to call mom or dad. I was wrong. So I was covered in dirty fish water and being yelled instructions in Dutch while also realizing if there were a real emergency I was not as prepared as I thought.

Wins:

- While yelling in Dutch, the older girl said something about it being stupid she had an au pair that spoke English when she couldn't speak English, and I told her I couldn't agree more and just cried. She gave me a hug and said she was sorry, and that nederlands is hard just like Engels is hard. So maybe we are making progress on mutual respect?

- since it is nice out the girls will go swimming and even though it isn't free time, I can read while I sit by the pool. They also have friends over more, which in some ways is more work but I would much rather make the extra sandwich than try to keep them entertained by myself. 

- I don't have to wake them up, which was the worst part of my job! Even better, once I get more comfortable I will hopefully even sleep in a little!

- I washed my bed sheets today and nothing bad happened (except that no amount of fabric softener or dryer sheets could make this scratchy nonsense feel less like sleeping on paper). Mom is sending me more pillow cases, and hopefully I find time next weekend to get something more cotton-y. 

- I made a grilled cheese for lunch today that was awesome, and Marie Louise let me make her one too. It doesn't count as cooking for the family, but it's a start.

And also, this will surprise no one, but out of the 5 dogs I have finally found comfort in Guis (sounds like "rice" with the throaty G sound): the only male in our pack of yorkies, he hates everything and usually growls in the corner and looks at you with disdain. The family was shocked to find him sitting in my lap, which is where he now stays anytime I'm outside. I will consistently love and be loved by grumpy old man dogs. 

Eindhoven Expats

So yesterday, I went to Eindhoven to find a girl who graduated from Oil City in 06 and then moved to the Netherlands with her husband (who lived in Franklin but went to Rocky Grove). God bless the internet.

First, a confession; you know how I said how honest Dutchies are? I have ranted and raved about dishonest Americans that come take advantage of systems here because they can get away with it, and then I turned into one. Christoph dropped me off at the station (my car is currently having an exhaust problem) in Boxtel, and then I realized after he drove away that the office with the real live person to buy a ticket from was closed. There are these kiosks where you buy your ticket, and I know how to use them-- but they don't take my credit cards or cash. I didn't have enough coins to get even a one way ticket. I kept walking back and forth trying to solve the problem/find coins/ask friendly people to help, but eventually I just panicked and got on the platform. Stupid, stupid American. When I got on the train, there was actually a guy checking tickets, so I just put my sunglasses on and pretended to be asleep. Thankfully, unexpectedly, this worked. It was the most horrible feeling ever and I will never do it again.

After some confusion at the Eindhoven Station, Renee found me and we drove back to her apartment with her friend Gosha and her 2 1/2 year old son. Once we got to her apartment, I also got to meet her husband and her youngest son, who will be 1 in September. It was nice to just sit and speak in English quickly and talk about yinzers and have eggs in a basket for breakfast. This is also when her husband recounted his culture shock in seeing someone eat hagelslag and exclaiming there was "a grown ass man eating a sprinkle sandwich!"

They took me to a market where they get fresh fruit and veggies, and I got to experience how a real life adult would live here. There is something to be said for seeing someone else be well-adjusted when you have not quite made it there. I also learned that if you are looking for weird American food that is generally unavailable, Asian stores are where to look. At this same Asian store I also experienced the wall of Ramen.

Then we picked up another friend (both of these women were Polish, so that was fun. We talked about perogis and I learned some things about my heritage.) and went shopping into the city center. By now I was getting tired, which is the horrible paradox I've been experiencing which makes me feel like I'm too introverted to do this; when you are homesick, you are supposed to go out and make friends, but when I go out to make friends I just get exhausted and more homesick. I'm just going to keep working at it and hope that something clicks. They also were all a little older than me and have real jobs, so I just can't financially keep up with that kind of shopping. It was fun to window shop, but I also just don't have a need for business attire while I'm here and I can't afford more than one pair of shoes a month (and that's my travel money, anyway).

I did learn about wall snacks, which are these vending machines that have hot snacks in them that are just little boxes on the wall that you put your euro in. I tried a croquette, which is kind of like a cheese stick only instead of cheese inside, it's like a gravy/pureed sausage blend. I didn't love it, but I'm a texture person (and a day later typing this, my tongue still feels weird from burning it on the stupid thing).

I came home (with a ticket, this time) and had a nice meal with the family. They had to leave to take Lola to the vet because she had a 5th puppy that wouldn't come out, so I stayed up with the kids and Oma and watched the futbol game. We got the text that the last puppy had died, and so then Oma and I had a bilingual talk with the girls about life and death. This life that I chose is strange.

Culture Shock

So, it's now been almost 3 weeks, but I'm still culture-shocking on a fairly regular basis. While there aren't always a lot of helpful websites on BEING an au pair (often there are more on being a good host to an au pair), there are a lot of great websites for expats regardless of what country they are in. Expatica has this article, which I found really helpful.

Some tips for how to act like a well-adjusted expat:

• They build a strong support system and know when to access it. (This includes friends, family, and formal channels such as the sponsoring organisation's IEAP.)
• Working on it. Making friends is hard, and I spend more time sitting with this family in their living room than I usually did at home with my real parents. Gotta make some connections. 
• They tweak their outlook by viewing the time overseas as an opportunity for personal growth.
• Well, duh. That's why I'm here. 
• They break out of their comfort zone, even if it's just for a few minutes each day to start.
• I often don't realize I had a comfort zone until I break out of it. For instance, home doesn't feel like comfort, until I've spent the day somewhere else. Then I don't compare it to Miller Road, I just compare it to having a bed vs. being on a train. 
• They record their experiences, thoughts, and feelings in a journal or blog.
• Hi. 
• They have a sense of humor and faith in their abilities.
• I have faith; the sense of humor depends on the day, but I try to remember everything is funnier or a better story in retrospect.
• They get to know local people.
• That is much trickier. The other expats I've talked to confirmed this for me; it's hard to get into the Dutch club. 
• They make the effort to learn — and use — the language.
• My real lessons start in September, but until then, I've been Rosetta Stone-ing. Also, I am shocked by the amount of people that suggest things like 'Oh! Did you ever consider it would be easier living in a foreign country if you knew their language? Maybe you could buy a book that would help you!" Yes, I did suspect maybe it would help to know Dutch, and yes, I did buy things. My book must be faulty though, since I did not instantly pick up a second language. Perhaps there is a more efficient one you can suggest. 

• They nurture family relationships.
• Trying!
• They set small, achievable goals and regularly evaluate their progress.
• I am the queen of small goals. It's why I made a calendar and bought a dry erase board. 
• When things go wrong (and things will always go wrong), they don’t automatically blame the host culture.
• This is hard to do, but I am working on it. Your attitude is your own punishment or reward. But I will always be confused why zip-lock bags and window screens are strangers to Europeans. 

It also talks about taking cultural time-outs, where you allow yourself the chance to feel like your home for short periods of time. For me, that means getting burger king after I've spent the day in a new city (there are burger kings in the train station here). It's a cheap and easy way to have something reliably routine inserted into my schedule. Who knows, maybe in a few months I won't even want it anymore, but until then, I'm allowing myself a few chicken nuggets every saturday without too much guilt. 

I believe I can conquer this. 

Honing Hoepels, Yorkie Labor, and Honest Dutchies

1) I wanted to make a plan to run to the grocery store and get some treats to hide in my room, but the car was out of gas and I wasn't sure how to fill it up or where the closest gas station was. Thankfully, I have a working GPS now (and it's in English!) so I was ready to work it out on my own, but Vanessa offered to come with me and make sure everything went well. On our way out of the house, she realized she couldn't find Lola, who we've been keeping an eye on while we wait for her to have puppies. She had just started to go into labor before we left, so luckily we found her and brought her to her birthing box. We watched her give birth to one puppy before leaving her to her privacy-- I don't think I've ever watched anything be born before though, and so it was a pretty beautiful experience. That was probably 4 hours ago, and there are now three puppies and I think we are waiting for a fourth.

2) Once we did get to the grocery store, I got to stock up on some food items to make myself feel more comfortable. The first time we came I felt weird, and I was still so shell-shocked that I just picked out some crackers and yogurt and decided that was good (which honestly, it was, because I had no appetite the first week). Now I have apple juice boxes, tuc crackers, my favorite digestive crackers, and most importantly-- Honing Hoepels. These are the generic version of the dutch version of honey nut cheerios, and I kid you not, I shed a tear in the Albert Heijn when I found them. I also got a box of special K, so I feel like I can conquer anything.


3) That Dutch culture basically insists on honesty; to get on public transportation, no one checks your ticket. To park in a one hour parking zone, you list the time you parked and hang it in your windshield. When you want to sell something, you leave it in your front yard with a can for people to put money in. This is my favorite-- the neighbor down the street sells eggs, so we ride our bikes there, leave 2 euros in a jar, and pack up eggs. The neighbor beside us sells fruit, and you leave your euro and take a bag. Apparently my family sells walnuts and does the same. I haven't gotten a picture of the tomato vending machine yet (which is also really fun), but these little stands are about the same on my list of things I love about this tiny village.

This is "my" bike that Marie-Louise is riding-- pretty, right?

Today Feeling:

The Most Epically Lost I have Ever Been

Today was my big day; I was getting up and after the girls were ready for school, I was going to drive myself to Action and get some supplies for our Wednesday craft. Doing it meant that I can get to Boxtel, and if I can get to Boxtel, I can buy what I need in the afternoon and also take the train to Den Bosch and park for free. All good things. 

I got lost on the way there, which was my biggest issue. I didn't make it straight from the road I was supposed to, so once I was finished shopping I didn't know what was the right way to go back. I went the wrong way, turned around, and drove another circle outside the city. I recognized some of the names of the cities that arrows pointed to, but I didn't know where I was in relation to them; Eindhoven is close to Oirschot, sure, but north or south? Meanwhile, it was raining hard and the windshield wiper has this greasy residue that makes it impossible to see if I don't stop and wipe it off every 5 minutes (normally not an issue, when I'm just picking the girls up at school).

So it's raining, I can't see, I don't know where I am, and finally I decide I've gone too far when I find out I've entered some other city that doesn't even list cities I recognize as options on the traffic circles (because remember, they are everywhere here). I finally concede to turn on my phone, which doesn't have an international plan yet, but before I can get maps to connect the battery dies. I am officially shit out of luck. When I get stressed in the car, I start talking to myself like a crazy person, and I think that's why I bonded to Jarvis the way I did. This unnamed little french car and I really had some moments today, and I feel much closer to her.

I drove in a few more circles until I found my way back to Boxtel. I assumed if I found my way into the center I could work from there; not true. Just lots of people on bikes and lots of intersections. It was good practice, and now I feel more confident I could drive just about anywhere. At least twice I stalled trying to go at a green light and ended up not moving until it turned red again, but my fellow drivers were very patient with me. I'm assuming it has to be somewhat common for people learning to drive to stall their cars, since everyone has a stick shift here. 

Eventually, I found a gas station and stopped there. The woman at the counter understood well enough that I was lost and needed to get to Oirschot. The tricky part with getting directions from people speaking a language other than their own is that they get left and right confused, so you can never really be sure if what they're telling you is what they mean. Fortunately, I was close enough to home (I was pretty sure I was at the gas station where Vanessa had told me was closest for when I needed petrol) that I just needed reassurance to keep going straight. I made it home, an hour and a half later (it should have taken 7 minutes), and sat with the cleaning lady who made me a cup of coffee and tried to help explain how to not get lost again. I think I will just get my GPS's charger from Vanessa's car next time.

I definitely believe in getting lost to find yourself. I just don't believe I want to do it again so soon. 

Children's Crafts

On Wednesday, the girls get out of school early and I've promised that I will always have fun surprises for them. I have some really fun ideas for outings, and the girls have made a mailbox to put ideas in, but I have a few limitations:

- General Resources: There is a big craft cupboard, but I need to do inventory and figure out what I need and what I have.
- Inability to get more Resources: Eventually there will be an Au Pair allowance for buying any craft supplies I need, or taking the girls out (think like leaving pizza money for the babysitter, but with more freedom).
- Inability to Find more Resources: Tomrrow, I'm going to go to one of the three places available for shopping and see what I can find; Coop, which is in town and easy to get to (I could ride my bike) is just a very small grocery store. Albert Heijn is like a larger grocery store that would also have maybe some toiletries and bigger selection on items. Action, which is the best place, is like the Dutch version of Big Lots, and probably my best bet for finding good stuff. Action is the place I'm least certain I can find, but google maps says it should only take me 7 minutes to drive. How many things could I run into in 7 minutes?
- Ideas: If anyone has links to blogs that give good ideas for this stuff, PLEASE send them on to me! I'm looking for crafts or projects or games that will take up two hours, without needing a lot of explaining. Last week, we had kits to sew felt bird houses together and then we decorated with stickers, and that worked great. The girls are meticulous workers, so if I find something that allows for lots of detail, they will take advantage of it.

Once I'm better with the car, I'll take them to fun places (like a safari park that's nearby, or to a cafe to sit in Den Bosch) but in the meantime I'm more comfortable keeping them at home. On top of that, it's a rainy week here, so a lot of fun ideas are out just from messiness. It seems like every mom blog everywhere has suggested using shaving cream for marble paint, or to make clay, but I don't see that going well inside.

The godmother of all Au Pairs, Heike, came today to have tea with me and talk about how things are going. She's been a nanny for like 10 years, so while she isn't an Au Pair, she knows everyone and is great with helping people get connected. She was also very close with the au pair from two years ago, and suggested we could do outings together to the science center together with out children. That way I can feel more secure taking the girls out, and she can have someone to go with her. I need to make sure I stay connected with this woman and plan something fun-- she seems like the missing link I need to step up my game.

Does anyone have suggestions for projects I could do with the girls, or places we could go? I'm thinking science centers, zoos, even just going on the train to go somewhere and travel could be exciting (and the parents have already told me they are totally ok with it). What would make a day special for a 6 and 8 year old?

2 Week Mark! Whooo!

As I type this, it is officially 2 weeks to the hour (in EST) that I left Millerhood and made my way to the Pittsburgh airport. I'm a firm believer in a 2 week rule; you can't decide if you like anything until it's been 2 weeks, and in two weeks, you can adjust to anything. This is probably why 1 week of church camp never really worked for me.

I specifically remember freshman year, and after two weeks feeling really comfortable and then going home for the long weekend and having to do the two weeks all over again. Going home every other weekend just kept killing my pattern, and if I had just stayed for that third week I would have been happier a lot sooner. The first week of every semester, up until spring of senior year, I would look up schools to transfer to because I was homesick or uncomfortable or unhappy. Junior year, I still cried when I moved in. I will always need my two weeks for something to feel comfortable.

Things that Change after Two Weeks:
- The house smell stops feeling foreign, and starts to smell good; after I did my laundry today I smelled my towels and just wanted to sleep in them. A week ago I was handling these towels with disdain. At school, the new air freshener would go from new and fancy to comforting (or just useful).

- Adventures turn into chores. The first week, all sorts of stupid things turn into adventures; finding your way, learning to say "what do you want for lunch," doing laundry, figuring out how to buy soap. After two weeks, instead of treating these tasks like adventures where lots of things can go wrong, they go back to just being chores you want to avoid.

- You know when it is appropriate to not work/go to class. You learn when it is worth it to skip class, or how to call your boss if you're sick. I've learned that this family will actually be disappointed if I don't spend a lot of time traveling, even if that means I don't work some Fridays.

- You start to eat and sleep like a normal person. Until you can get the basic needs figured out, which can take a while (especially with my weird feelings towards food), so finally having an appetite and sleeping normally helps a lot. It's a simple win, but a win all the same.

- You are free to be more than a guest; at two weeks, you are really officially there. The two weeks is like a trial period, and whether it is roommates or a new family or new employees, no one really knows what to think of you until after you get through the initial first impression.

- You can walk around in the dark without running into things.

Not Flattering, but at least I'm in Amsterdam.

Going to Amsterdam

On Saturday I had my first trip to Amsterdam (I flew into the Schipol airport, but didn't really see anything when I was there). I was meeting my friend Matt, who is studying in Spain, but first I had to take the train from Den Bosch. It takes about 15 minutes to drive to the station from home, and I was nervous about the interstate and the traffic circles in the middle. My host mom ended up taking me so she could go shopping with Marie-Louise in the same area.

I took the train without any issues (it takes about an hour to get to Amsterdam, and I didn't have to make any connections) and then Matt and I wandered around the Amsterdam Centraal Station trying to find each other. The machines don't take American cards sometimes, so we had trouble getting him a ticket to come back with me. The lockers were easy to figure out, so he didn't have to take his backpack with us. Then we were off in the rain to find the Anne Frank Huis.

I have no idea how to use busses. I know I can work out trains, and I'm not afraid of metro or tube stations, but everything is busses in Amsterdam and those still intimidate me. Realistically the Anne Frank Huis was only a 20 minute walk, but I still don't have a phone and I didn't want to get lost without a map when we only had a short time to be in the city. I decided the most fun way to travel would be to get hop on hop off tickets for the canal tours, and that way we would travel out of the rain but see more than if we were on a bus (and I didn't have to figure out how to use the bus). All that turned out to work just fine.

We went to the Anne Frank Huis and waited in line for around 2 hours to get in, which I felt inspired by. I didn't end up going to the red light district, but I know there isn't a line to get in. Having to wait because so many other people wanted to hear her story and remember what happened didn't bother me. The house itself is a fairly cheap tour, pretty short to get through, and very well organized. It's pretty emotional (although Saturday also marks the first day without any tears, so there's an exciting development!) but I think having been to a concentration camp this was more a place of hope than anything. At the end, they had an exhibit called "All her Would Haves are Our Possibilities" and there was a loop of video clips from famous people talking about the museum or the history. My favorite was John Green (duh) reading an excerpt from The Fault in Our Stars (about the book with a list of names of Jewish people taken from Holland):

“The book was turned to the page with Anne Frank's name, but what got me about it was the fact that right beneath her name there were four Aron Franks. FOUR. Four Aron Franks without museums, without historical markers, without anyone to mourn them. I silently resolved to remember and pray for the four Aron Franks as long as I was around.” 

      After that, we just walked around the city-- I was just there to get a taste of what to come back for, so I wanted to make sure Matt saw everything he wanted to. We came back to Oirschot together and he got to meet my family, then we had schwarma (which was delicious) and watched the game (which took forever, but we won!). The next morning Vanessa and I took him back to the train station, and I got a chance to look around Den Bosch-- it will really be worth it to learn to drive there, it's so nice. There are lots of cute cafes and shops and the train station will get you anywhere. This week I am driving into town to pick the girls up from school and hopefully also driving to Boxtel, but Thursday we're going back to Den Bosch to shop so I'll be paying very close attention. It's time to start going places, I think.

Horseback Riding!

This is me leading the parade. The hard part is getting your rhythm between steering/kicking with your legs, and when you trot you also have to stand up and sit down while kicking in the rhythm of the horse's pace. I only trotted a few times, and there aren't videos of it, but this is me steering the horse (Tiemen) with the girls following behind me. 

Nope. No. Everything I said was a lie. I uploaded the wrong video. It took so long though, you will just have to imagine that this is the one of me leading the parade, and instead enjoy watching how uncomfortable I am kicking the horse. Really, there should be more polite ways to ask an animal to move. 

My parents also think it is hilarious that on top of my being unable to speak Dutch to people, I also can't communicate with the animals. I am pretty sure their chocolate lab thinks I'm an asshole that just makes sounds at it when I won't let him inside. It is a pretty silly situation.

Missing Holidays

When I was in Europe last time, I ended up having Easter in Paris and going to Notre Dame cathedral for morning mass before quietly having chicken nuggets by myself for Easter dinner. This year I'll be missing every holiday except Christmas, so it seems appropriate that I hurry up and figure out how to best get it done.

The hard part about 4th of July is that where Easter in France was different, 4th of July in the Netherlands doesn't exist. There are some expats bars a ways away, but for the most part, no one even has it on the radar. Granted, this year I will get to celebrate some holidays that were never on MY radar before, so that is exciting, but to not even be here for two weeks and miss something big is slightly hard. Harder still when people remind me that there will be another 4th of July, but I will miss next year's too, so that means my next 4th of July will be 2016, when I am 24. Weirdness. Not impossible to deal with, but weird.

So how did I celebrate this year? First, I cried to my host mom, who was really helpful. I played videos of the Bully Hill Brass Band. For lunch my host mom bought me these prepackaged cheeseburgers that you heat up in the microwave. They were not good, but having someone remember and acknowledge the holiday helped a lot. Then for dinner we want to this Dutch snack bar, where I had chicken nuggets and a milkshake (I didn't realize how different it would taste, but it did, and that made me little sad again) and then came home and watched tv. Somewhere in there I also went horseback riding, which Vanessa took video of that I will post later.

I don't love Thanksgiving, so I won't miss it hopefully. That's what I'm telling myself, at least. In the meantime, just taking each week and each day as it comes.

Tina Fey Inspiration for Next Week:

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”

Pictures of my Town

I took these while I was riding my bike, so if some of them are fuzzy or you can't see what you want to, I'll take more later.

The town is called "Liempde" if you want to look it up on google maps; it takes us about 15 minutes to ride our bikes to school every morning. I didn't take pictures of the first 10 minutes, which are just farms.

I still haven't gotten comfortable enough to take more touristy pictures, so these were all sneaky. This isn't really a tourist area, and even though apparently everyone recognizes me as the new American Au Pair, I still try to keep a low profile. 

The orange is in support of The World Cup, which has also helped with trying to find things to do with new friends; everyone is going somewhere to watch the games. 

I don't think you can see any in these pictures, but people also hang bags or backpacks off of their flag poles as a sign that someone in the house graduated. It's a cute tradition. 

This is the picture outside of their school: basically everyone shows up on bicycle and waits for the kids to rush out. It's a lot to absorb the first few times (and this is not even half the amount of parents that will be there by the time the bell rings, and only one of the two sides of the building) but I'm getting more familiar with everything.  

Bad Television

In my week here, I've had a lot of interactions with Dutch television. My options include:

1) English TV with dutch subtitles-- Specifically MTV, TLC, the discovery channel, comedy central, and some of the Bravo trashy shows on a Nederlands channel. They don't dub movies or tv here except the Disney channel, so some of the stuff I would watch at home is available and still familiar. Last night I watched Titanic for the first time (I left before the end-- feeling sad enough without Leo's help).

2) Dutch Disney-- Holy wow is this bad. I'm assuming that these are the same shows that are on American television (I know I've seen H2O on netflix) but the bad acting really stands out when you can't understand what they're saying. There is also a show about a bunch of teenagers that work at a zoo, which I had trouble following; the episode I saw had a guy that seemed like he wasn't making friends because he was a farmer kid, and was lonely without his chickens, and then one night the other kids found him sleep-milking a cow. Like this boy had just sleep-walked (slept-walked?) into the barn and started milking a cow he found. I don't know how the episode was resolved, but the acting is equally as bad.

3) British TV-- There's the news and BBC, but also in this category is British TLC. I discovered "Snog Marry Avoid" the other day, and it's just a robot talking to a girl about what guys think of her and how she should change herself. Weirdness.

4) Dutch Soap Operas- Gold. I saw an episode where the girl in the wheelchair gets pushed out and left in the middle of the park, and then her friend runs dramatically to help her. Wheelchair girl just struggles around and won't let her help, and it's all very emotional. There is also a documentary that keeps getting played about dogs with cancer and the owners taking them to chemo therapy.

Anyways, there's always futbol on and plenty of channels, but I mostly watch when the family has the tv on. Haven't found a show for me yet, but I need to catch up on True Blood.