Just some things today

1) Thanks to everyone who sent me a message about my 2015 goals- Holy wow, did that get a lot of reactions. I had no idea so many people even read this blog, but I got an awesome amount of suggestions from some really lovely supportive people. I feel ready to tackle the next few months.

2) Apartment Hurrays: I have a table now! I feel much more motivated to make real food now that I can sit at a table and eat it instead of sitting on the floor or the couch. My parents also bought me a chaise lounge (chaaaaaaise) which really classys up the place. Finally, candles. They are the best. I've just been burning ones in jars, but I got cutesy tea light holders for Christmas that I'm excited to break out once I get through the big jar ones I have.

3) Apartment Boos- I'm convinced my shower is trying to murder me. It refuses to stick to one temperature, and for whatever reason it is capable of a scalding hot that could put you into a coma. It really is unnecessary. The result is me dancing and shrieking and adjusting the levers until I just give up.

4) Writing Deadlines- I'm working on another writing project! My friend Mitch and I have an elaborate system of keeping each other accountable and it feels good to be stressing about meeting another writing deadline and feeling frazzled about the first draft. I probably won't talk much more about it, but I am writing again!

Quarterly Resolutions!

I'm not big into year resolutions, because like most everything else in my life, I don't have the focus to commit to anything that long. So once again, my quarterly resolutions:

Measurable Goals:

• Finish first 2 lessons of Rosetta Stone (Spanish)
• Lose 10 pounds a month
• Go without fast food (that means chicken nuggets, even homemade) or alcohol, with one cheat day a month
• Learn to cook 3 different dishes a month (this is the one I'm most worried about)
• During the week, no more than 7 hours of TV time (this does not include group movie nights/going to the movies)
• Read 15 books (I'll post the list on another blog)
• Write for 3 hours a week with no distractions, not including blogging or journaling
• Write in the blog or journal once a day. find a routine that works

Non-Measurable Goals, but still to think about:

• Continue to develop my adult wardrobe and dress for my shape
• Find some kind of volunteer work to get involved in (even if at first this just means finding a church and helping out there)
• Once a week, find someplace new in my area and figure out how to get to it. Even if I'm not comfortable going to restaurants alone, I still want to know where everything is when I do have guests.
• Spend NO MONEY on myself, excluding groceries and bills. The exception to this rule will be pre-determined rewards set for myself based on weight-loss goals. For example, I would really really love a cardigan from modcloth, so once I lose 10 pounds I will go out and get myself one.
• The other exception to this rule being necessary exercise equipment; namely, hand weights. Cross your fingers that my running shoes hold up, because they're starting to get old too. 
• Learn how to rock more shades of lipstick and look confident doing it.

So those are the goals for January to March! On April 1st, I'll check back in to see how I did!

Lindsey Stirling

I was making family members mixed cds for Christmas and totally forgot this existed, and now I can't stop rewatching the music video. Enjoy.

My Liebster Nomination!

My friend Megan nominated me for the Liebster award, which is given by bloggers to bloggers to help promote community and connect more bloggers to each other! It started a few years ago, so getting tagged right now feels like I have finally started to win at this. 

Anyway, I answer the questions she gave me, I pass it on to other blogs I follow with less than 200 followers, and then they answer the questions I give them! Pretty simple, but still fun. 

1. What book has left a lasting impression on you? Looking for Alaska. It is the closest thing to my personality as a book. I identify with almost all of the characters and their struggles, and it tackles some incredibly tough subjects with tact and grace without sacrificing youthful joy. "It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things.”
2. Share a goal you have for yourself for the next year. I have lots of goals, but none of them yearly; usually I got by a few months or a few years. I'm posting a blog on this shortly. I guess one goal would be to create a new life for myself in Austintown without severing the ties of my old life. 
3. Without any limitations, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Tricky. I guess if there are no limitations I would pick the most expensive place to travel, so that I could save my money and spend it on other places when I didn't have this travel-genie granting my wishes. New Zealand? Australia? 
4. What is your favorite quote to live by? "The best way out is always through." -Robert Frost, or, “Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” -August Wilson
5. Share your top song of 2014. I think maybe Casual Affair by Panic at the Disco, just because it fits so many different moods. It wasn't my top song, but Rivers and Roads (by The Head and the Heart) might be the song that best describes 2014. 
6. When did you start blogging and why? I started blogging in middle school, although the blogs have changed with the purpose. I think when I started it was just to be heard, although eventually it became a way to create a habit of writing, to keep up with people, and then finally this blog, which was created to inspire me.
7. What do you always carry with you? i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
8. If you could change the ending to any fictional work (movie, show, book, etc.) what would you change? How I Met Your Mother, easy. Give us the alternate ending and make it so. 
9. Who’s your biggest influence? Barbara
10. What’s the biggest change you’ve seen in yourself in the past year? A loss of hope. 
11. Share your favorite holiday tradition. Eating steak cooked outside on the grill, driving around to look at lights, and then watching The Santa Clause on Christmas Eve. 

I am too lazy to write new questions, so I pass these off to you, Barbara and Mitch, and you do the same!

'TIs the Season to be Jolly and Joyous... falala

There is not a single Christmas song that gets me more pumped for the holiday and uncharacteristically joyful than this. Once you get to the middle you can't NOT sing-a-long (including the "falalalas"). How do people who weren't raised on the muppets celebrate Christmas???

I'm Proud of My Friends!

There has just been a lot of craziness going on the past few weeks (and sometimes months) and I think some people I love need dues paid to them.

1) Law School Friends- You da real MVPs. Minzy and Alex, I do not envy you, but I sure am damn impressed. Congrats on making it through your first semester!

2) Seniors in College Friends- Is there a more stressfully bittersweet time? Amber, Breanna, Kayse, Ryan- try to enjoy it and not stress too much about what happens after graduation.

3) Employed Friends- This is a weird transition for all of us, but if you're making it work for you and keeping a positive attitude, know that I see it and don't for a second believe it's because it was just that easy. It's ok to admit you're going to be at 9 or 10pm now. Mitch, I especially love having you reinforce the struggle that is grocery shopping.

4) Unemployed Friends- I totally get it, but don't sell yourself short, don't get discouraged, and know that I am proud of the struggles you are going up against without giving up. Burt and Mike especially, you're awesome and if you aren't hired any day now those people don't know what they're missing.

5)Married or Pregnant Friends- WOW! I'm excited for each and every one of you, and have zero bitterness about your life and happiness. Just because I can't imagine being that grown up doesn't mean I can't totally admire what you're doing.

Anyway, so many of my friends are going through huge transitions, and I think we all get so sucked up in our own we forget that everyone is dealing with a lot-- so whatever your huge transition is, I'm going to try to be more aware and sensitive of it and celebrate those accomplishments with you.

I believe in staying connected.

Christmas Joy!

We had an office decorating competition, but instead of doing it by cubicle Marketing decided to team up and enroll our whole office in the competition. Check it out.

This is my cubicle; my manager is over the wall from me, and my coworker is just to the right of this picture.

It's hard to tell, but on the left I made a fireplace where our shelf unit is. Lots and lots of bricks to cut out and tape, and now anytime anyone needs any literature we have to life it all up. Pure silliness.

He did the Santa, and I did the elf.

We didn't win the competition, but we sure did win some Christmas spirit. Although now every time I open one of my filing cabinet drawers I get trapped in an avalanche of wrapping paper.

Top 5 Songs that Make me Weepy

5. Lua- Bright Eyes; Ok, just read the lyrics. This song is sad. If I'm being honest, probably something like 60% of Bright Eyes songs make me cry, or at least really sad the rest of the day.

4. For Good- Cast of Wicked; We sang this at Zeta events, and as a senior it was bittersweet. The same goes for Feels like Home. It's nostalgic and reminds me of people I love. Sometimes I got through it without crying just because everyone expected a senior zeta to cry, and I was too stubborn. Most of the time I just cried with my roommate about having to leave everyone.

3. Fix You- Coldplay; I'm not really much of a coldplay person, but this probably belongs even further up the list. It's so overplayed though, so now it's just sad instead of weep-inducing. The same goes for "How to Save a Life" by The Fray-- that song still makes me cry too, it just gets played so often that I wouldn't have been able to listen to the radio for all of 2005 if I hadn't tuned it out. 

2.Baby Mine- Dumbo Soundtrack; I can't explain it. Mom used to sing it to me when I was little, I remember that much, but as a child with separation anxiety I cannot think of anything sadder than this scene. Look at all the cute animals with their mom! A mother's love is so special! Sorry Dumbo, your mom is in jail. I'm crying right now just rewatching it.

1. Safe and Sound -Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars; This came out of the first Hunger Games movie, and in that context, I cannot get through the 10 seconds without crying. It probably never would have made my radar, but as a song that connects Katniss' empathy for Peeta, Prim, and Rue, it kills me. I will not apologize for strong feelings represented by fictional characters.

****edit:

I'm not sure which this one bumps or where it belongs in the lineup, but the mother's version of La Vie en Rose from HIMYM. Admittedly I'm already crying at the end of that episode, but even listening in the car it is impossible for me to sing along without choking up.

Things Making me Happy Today

1. I got my Library Card! Not only that, they were very friendly this time, and they even have a handful of designs to choose from, just like a gift card or a credit card. The library is huge, there's lots of room for just sitting around and reading, and they have lots and lots of books that I can take home now.

2. New Vacuum- I bought a vacuum a few weeks ago but it had a broken part. It functions as a very nice hand vacuum, but the pole to turn it into a real vacuum was what I needed. I complained to Bissell, and they sent me a brand new one that came in today. So now I have two vacuums!

3. Smoothies- I also bought myself a little blender (it's perfect because it blends your stuff in the to-go container, so you make a smoothie and then take it all with you) but I hadn't done any serious fruit shopping until tonight. Now I am enjoying a strawberry banana kale smoothie and wondering if I have to learn to cook anything else.

4. Purple Glasses- I bought a new pair of glasses online that came in today, and they are purple and I love them. That's really all there is to say about that.

Then VS. Now

COMPLAINTS:

In college, I would send emails to professors with concerns about my grade and how I could fix it.

As an adult, I send emails to Bissel to complain about my vacuum and how they can fix it (answer- I'm getting a new one!)

GROCERIES:

In college, I usually grabbed some cookies and liquor, and maybe some fruit. Usually at giant eagle, usually at like 11pm.

As an adult, I keep track of when almonds will be on sale. Most of my shopping is done at the dollar general, on my lunch break. 

MAIL:

In college, it was care packages and cards from my family.

As an adult, it is still those things, except when it is a bill. 

EXERCISE:

In college, I walked everywhere and somedays spent two hours in the gym. 

As an adult, I sit in a chair all day and then barely stay awake for a 30 minute run. 

NUTRITION:

In college, I didn't. 

As an adult, I'm trying harder, but still no. 

MONDAYS:

In college, I was excited for HIMYM.

As an adult, I'm excited for the sales ad.

MONEY:

In college, I had none.

As an adult, I still have none, but can pay for the things I didn't pay for in college. 

WORK:

In college, I was never done studying or writing or being in class. 

As an adult, I get to be done at 5 every day and not think about it again until 8 the next morning.

That time of year...

Favorite cover of my favorite Christmas song goes to Versaemerge. Even if bro on the right isn't as dreamy as he thinks he is.

Comedy Growing Up

Every so often when I'm going through autobiographies or even just talking to my friends, I feel like I missed out because I didn't watch a lot of the classic sitcoms growing up (I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld). My family was bigger into music appreciation than making sure I had a well rounded tv education, but there are some exceptions that I think explain some of how my humor developed.

1) Pee Wee's Playhouse- We had almost all the episodes on VHS, and I have seen every one of them. It's quirky and different and hilarious all in it's very own way. I don't think as an adult you can get into Pee Wee quite the same way without adding the nostalgia, but I love it.
How did this shape me?: I think yelling is funny (which is hilarious because I hate loud noises and loud people, but yelling to be funny always makes me laugh. It's also probably why I like Will Farrell sometimes). It also gave me an appreciation for the boldly weird.

2) Dr Demento- or rather, the individual artists in his collections. I was raised on songs like "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park' and "Dead Puppies aren't much fun" and "Fishheads," which again, I'm not sure you can appreciate if you weren't raised on the weirdness.
How did this shape me?: Mostly I think it gave me an appreciation for macabre humor.

3) Weird Al- I think he remains pretty well and relevant, but his music inspired a lot of poorly written covers and made up songs in the Greene family. He was so clever, and most of his music came from songs I didn't know the originals of (I still remember hearing Like a Virgin for the first time and still singing Like a Surgeon). 

How did this shape me?: It introduced me to the world of parody!

4) The Muppets- The Muppets were probably the first variety show I ever saw, and they have been a staple in my house my whole life. You never grow out of the muppets. I couldn't even begin to list everything I learned from them. 

Favorite Comedy Moments: Swedish Chef, Literal News Anchor, Lew and his Boomerang Fish, Statler and Waldorf's heckling, and Sam the Eagle always being a stick in the mud. 

5) MST3K: A bunch of robots and a guy heckling really bad old movies. This is actually what it's like to watch a movie with The Greene's anyway, but having it done for us is still hilarious (you just have to skip through the parts in between when they're in their spaceship). A bunch of the movies are on youtube for free, so if you haven't seen them grab some friends and enjoy. These are the best movies for talking over and heckling with. I recommend The Horrors of Spider Island.
How did this shape me?: I don't think it gets to take responsibility for my love of heckling (that probably goes to my uncle PAG) but it was still there. Comedic timing, that's probably something it should have credit for.

BONUS:
I don't know where to put Ray Stevens (was he part of a Dr Demento collection somewhere?), but he always makes me laugh. I should have done this for a talent show. I love Clyde the Camel.

Quote of the Week

“You can be shaped, or you can be broken. There is not much in between. Try to learn. Be coachable. Try to learn from everybody, especially those who fail. This is hard. ... How promising you are as a Student of the Game is a function of what you can pay attention to without running away.”                                                                                                                                                           -David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

Christmas Special Hosts I Want to See

After starting to get into the intro-level of Christmas specials my family watches every year (usually we start with Harry Connick Jr. and all the sing-a-longs, then get to the real stuff) I mentioned not liking the Michael Buble Christmas concert, and wished that there could be something new and fresh and fun for my generation. My uncle asked who I thought could make that happen, and this is my answer.

1) Neil Patrick Harris- He would bring the best cameos, he can sing, dance, and act, and (I think) he has the kind of humor that could bring whimsical joy for a holiday special. Plus, he is loved both as a person and as his characters. And he does magic tricks.

2) Jimmy Fallon- All for the same reason. He has both talent and personality, and the spirit to make almost anything fun and silly. My parents vote him to #1 because they think he has a warmer personality for a family-friendly holiday. He would also have some rocking cameos.

3) Ben Folds- Because it seems like variety shows are more often done by musical artists, and I was struggling to think of one that fit all the criteria (talent, public personality, fun to watch). After being one of the judges for The Sing Off, I think he's a public enough figure that people would be into it, and watching someone play piano is always more fun than watching someone play guitar. Plus, he has that casual Nashville Superstar vibe going for him.

• My parents think that if we were country music people, we would also probably include Garth Brooks, but I don't know anything about him. Isn't there another country music hunk everyone loves right now that visits kids with cancer and dances with little girls on stage? That's definitely someone. He's probably good too, if you like that kind of thing (maybe he already has one and I didn't know). 

4) Zooey Daschenal- I give up, I like her. I already sort of identify her as a holiday person after Elf, and she can sing and act. She is disarmingly adorable in her "I'm stuck in the 1950s" kind of way. 

Also, I was just annoyed I couldn't think of more women I would want to see (I purposely didn't include Tina and Amy--at some point, it would just be a series of SNL specials) and I don't think Anna Kendrick will be as timeless as I'd like. Who are the talented women that can sing and act and are a timelessly family-friendly public figure? 

Is there a job somewhere that includes only writing Christmas Variety Shows? Maybe I'll just write the shows, and then once I become super successful and famous I'll call these people up and let them know the work is already done.

Neil Patrick Harris

I'm almost done with his autobiography, and I'd like to remind everyone that this happened:

Hump Day.

These blogs have gotten so lazy lately, and I apologize. My brain is so mushy and my focus is so awful. I need to read a book.

1) Vacuum Cleaners- I have a little hand held one from college, but today when I used it it sucked in all the dirt and spit it back out. Everywhere. I was not amused, but I'm pretty sure I have no one to blame but myself because I remember this being a problem before and I was too stubborn to throw the stupid thing away.

2) Adult Life Update- I check the weather before I get gas, I check coupons before I buy groceries, and I haven't had chicken nuggets in 3 weeks. Also, it feels like a successful day if I go to the gym and still get to bed by 10:30.

3) Christmas Trees- One of my coworkers brought me a Christmas tree that she didn't use anymore so I would have some holiday spirit in my apartment. It was sweet and thoughtful, and I love the people I work with.

4) Skater Dresses and Full Skirts- Why has it taken me this long to just commit to this style? I wasted so many years not embracing my 50s housewife curves. I spent so much time hating Zoey Daschenal (I don't care enough to check how to spell her name: see, lazy) when I could be learning from her. Apologies to my waistline.

The Struggle is Imaginary.

I was given a flu shot over Thanksgiving weekend, and while I am super thankful to have it be so convenient (woot woot, middle class American-- or at least family member of the middle class) I hate them. I hate them so so much.

Here is Shot Manifesto: I do not mind the needle (unless it's anywhere near my stomach. I will probably never be pregnant or have a pet raccoon because of my fear of amniotic fluid tests and rabies shots). I DO mind whatever weird invader is being put into my system. It's an unreasonable double-standard because I will happily take any pill a doctor prescribes me, but it creeps me out to think of dead germs swishing around in my muscle. It isn't the shot that bothers me, it's the next few days when your body keeps reminding you with sore muscles that something is stuck in there that doesn't belong.

Flu shots freak me out the most because every year I have to wait around for 10 minutes after I get the shot to make sure I don't have a "reaction." What is the reaction we're waiting for? What is supposed to happen?? If I'm not about to become an X-man, I probably don't want to know. Then, they tell you that you might have flu-symptoms in the next 12 hours so I spend the whole day worrying myself into a fever. I didn't even really know what flu-symptoms were, so the first few years I imagined myself into a stomach-bug until I found out they weren't the same thing.

The past few years I've gotten the nasal mist, which is simpler because instead of having a sore arm you just get a snuffly nose, which is much easier to pretend is normal. This year, I got the shot with a "short needle." Instead of going into your muscle, it puts the vaccine under your skin in a smaller volume. It also hurts less, but clicks like a piercing gun which is its own kind of startling.

This long boring post all comes down to this one small inconvenience: My arm has an awful swollen red bump (like a hive, or a bug bite) where I got the shot, and it's super itchy but if I itch it it hurts and then I get nauseated. It's like a little flu-germ pool stuck in my arm and it won't go away. Picture whatever it is that makes you feel sick-- gory horror movies, seeing other people get sick, dead puppies-- then imagine that thing attached to your arm, and you can FEEL it wanting you to pay attention to it but you can't look.

Like I said, the struggle isn't real, it's imaginary.

Happy Birthday, Liam Sharp!

This little man is 5 years old today, and it is looking good on him.

Things I loved about Thanksgiving

Everyone knows I hate Thanksgiving, but there are still so many things I love about vacation in general that I will ignore what we did to the Native Americans and skip right on to the thanking this year:

1. Getting to see my BW friends- Technically, this happened a week early, but I still am overwhelmed by how much better I always feel when I'm with them. 
2. Getting to see my family- My Greene family that feeds my brain, my Sharp family that teaches me how to do new crafts, my Hines family that loves me like I'm their own (another group of people that always make me feel better) my Sloss family that gives me medical and fashion advice... so much family!
3. Having brother time- highlights include getting to see Mockinjay and having him tell me "I hate girl bands that try to copy authentic rock" ...when I played The Runaways. I have never been so smug. 
4. Watching the parade, frosting slapsgiving cookies, NOT black friday shopping, going to the pops concert, and stopping at shop n' save after the concert to buy cheesey popcorn and ice cream. All but the latter are Thanksgiving traditions, and I'm really hoping next year we stick to the cheesey popcorn run. 
5. Coming home to a cozy apartment- have I mentioned how much I love it? I rearranged my furniture and it makes me so happy. If I could just get my new poster and paper towel holder screwed into the wall, it would be perfect. I even have ice cubes. 

Hard to believe this was 4 years ago...

Things Making me Happy Today

1. Felix Alfeo (see post below). Also, having people in your life to share huge moments like this. I love family, and I love moments like these that make everything change in the best way and bring people together. I love the people that aren't family (but still are) and share these moments-- when you tell your coworkers that there's a new baby in the family, they're mildly interested, but when you tell your best friend and highschool sweetheart, they are genuinely happy and understand these moments. Alec and Burt, thanks for knowing my life and sharing my joy.

2. Little Girls Selling Homemade Gifts-- These group of sisters were going door to door to sell pinecones that smell like cinnamon and have christmas glitter all over them. I loved it. They made them themselves to sell for a church project (their church is right beside our apartment complex), and now my apartment smells like the holidays.

3. Carl Harrison is the new president of Theta Chi- There is a pride that comes only from having experienced the struggle of being on an exec board for greek life. Being the boss of your friends is tough, and it is a job I would not wish on my darkest enemy, but he is going to do great things and will have such a great experience. I hope that he calls me in the middle of the night to vent about it the way I did to him.

One of the important lessons we learned on Exec was that while you should be able to say "thank you" to your chapter for the experiences and lessons, you should also be able to say "you're welcome" after making it better than you found it. So cheers to Harrison for putting himself into a position that will allow him to do that.

Welcome to the World, Felix!

It is official! On November 16th, my baby cousin, Felix Carlo Alfeo, was born (I'm not getting into that silly second-cousin nonsense; he is my cousin, the end. Maybe it could be like Star Trek, and he is the Next Generation of cousin).

To celebrate his birth, I'd like to highlight some of the big moments of November 16th and what they might indicate as to who this tiny person will grow up to be:

1) Tiberius, Emperor of Rome is born-  From this I think we can deduce that Felix will grow up to be a great conquerer of nations, and probably rule his own country.

2) Walt Disney launched Epcot Center's Experimental Prototype- This child will be worldly. That was always in the cards for him.

3) Alphonse Ardoinse is born- A creole accordian player. This seems completely fitting after Barbara and Nick's babymoon to New Orleans. Maybe they can suggest a different instrument, but we will love him either way.

4) Clark Gable died- Regardless of your views on reincarnation, it seems more than fair that Felix should inherit the world's most stunning mustache.

5) Maggie Gyllenhall- I'm not sure what this means. Will he become very famous and use his fame to highlight important political causes? Will he have great bone structure? Perhaps he will be best friends with Batman, who knows.

6) ABBA began their first tour of Europe- So relevant to being a Greene! He was already well on his way to being a pop dancing super star, and here is his sign. The stars are aligned for this child.

Welcome to the world, baby Felix! Welcome to parenthood, Barbara and Nick!

Some Things from Last Week

1. Getting to the gym again-- I cannot stress enough how much better I feel after 2 weeks of extremely sedentary living. It took me 47:20 to get 3 miles (which is more like walking with short bursts of running in between), but I'm not even mad about it because I'm so excited to have access to a treadmill again.

2. New Girl- I am so annoyed with how much I love this show, but I do. Jake Johnson is actually my boyfriend, and we are so happy together. In other news, watching fun sitcoms about roommates when you live alone is a lot like watching romantic comedies when you're really single. Clearly if my bang game was stronger I would have funny roommates.

3. Family that is mail heavy- I have gotten so many cards and packages in the last week, and I feel loved.

Mostly, I am tired and busy and excited to figure out how to manage my time so I don't always feel that way! I know adults go to bed after 10 and manage to do laundry multiple times a week and still go to work every day, so I feel confident I will figure it out soon.

Whoosh.

You know how sometimes, you just need something but you don't know what it is? Like when you think you're hungry so you eat something, but really you were just thirsty and a glass of water would have solved everything?

This whole week I've felt like I was holding my breath. It was exciting and scary and hard and good-- but mostly just exhausting. Today I was driving to dinner and the weather was perfect and my car was behaving and Ben Folds came on, and it was just this perfect moment of

Oh. That's what I needed.

And then I felt like I was breathing like a normal person again and there was no elephant on my chest and things will be ok.

So thanks, Ben Folds, and thanks Barbara for putting him on a mixed CD you gave me 10 years ago, and thanks dad for getting me an aux cord so I could play the rest of Rockin' the Suburbs off my ipod. Things are good.

Currently Reading: Yes, Please

“Because what else are we going to do? Say no? Say no to an opportunity that may be slightly out of our comfort zone? Quiet our voice because we are worried it is not perfect? I believe great people do things before they are ready.”
                                                                                               -Amy Poehler

Dream Pig

My junior year of college, I was inducted into Sigma Tau Delta (the English honor society). It felt like a big deal. I had proof that not only was I an English major, I might actually be good at it. I'm pretty sure President Helmer even gave me a hug. Every inductee was allowed to invite two guests (usually their parents) but that's a long drive for a short ceremony, so my littles came as surrogate family. They took pictures of me and patted me on the back and held my rose while I chatted with my professors, and I felt very very loved.

[Admittedly, getting into an honor society was not the type of thing I fussed about. My identity wasn't tied to my grades, and while I did well, I never cared about making dean's list or proving how smart I was. I was invited to other honor societies I didn't join because I didn't want to pay for them. No one (except maybe my grandmother) cared how many cords I wore on graduation. But for whatever reason, Sigma Tau Delta was the validation I needed in calling myself an English major. I was real. I had a pin that proved it. It was something I valued, and made a goal for, and met.] 

Since my parents couldn't be there, my mom got me a congratulations gift-- my Dream Pig. 

I was a cutesy idea to save money for my writing dreams (get it? Dream Big? Dream Pig?). If I started throwing change in it, I could start to save up for an apartment in Chicago, or take writing classes in LA, or whatever I wanted to do now that I was starting to consider using my English degree for something beyond an excuse to drink before noon (I kid). 

Today, I opened the dream pig... so I could get quarters to do laundry. 

In my apartment in Youngstown.

The day before I start my job--

in marketing. 

Is it what I planned? No. Am I disappointed? Not at all. 

Two years ago, I might have been. But I have a great apartment, and this job is a great opportunity that I worked hard for. It's not glamorous, but good stories don't start glamorously. I may not be using the dream pig for anything special, but I can afford a dream bank account now. In one year I'll have more money saved for my dreams than the dream pig would have collected in 10 years of living in New York. 

So while I'm not taking the conventional road to starving artistry, I'm pretty happy with the one I've found. Think of me when I start in the big bad corporate world tomorrow (or more accurately, a company with 1500 employees that hosts a prayer circle every monday morning) and start my new life direction. 

I believe in adapting your plans. 

Top 5 Friends Everyone Needs

Through high school, most of my friends were circumstantial (but still absolutely valuable and loved) so it wasn't until college that I fully understood the value of making friends. Before I left for BW, most of my friends were people I had known since I was 6. When I moved to Berea, I learned that not only was I responsible for actively making my friends, I was also able to hand-pick the people I wanted to hang out with (if you didn't grow up in a small town, you will not understand this. When your grandparents were best friends with a classmate's grandparents, you were stuck. When you both took Spanish II, or AP English, or Stage Band, you were stuck. This is why I never dated someone my age).

Now that I'm removed enough from college to feel settled in the friendships that lasted the latest transition, I've grouped some of the "types" of friends people might forget to find, but will definitely need. Also, these are all totally selfish and based on friends that make you a better person, and that's just fine. Friends should do that. If you can, be one of these people for someone else. 

1) The Activist- If you can find someone that hits all the major social rights groups, even better, but sometimes it's easier to fill this "type" of friend with several people. Sometimes, you may have questions (what's the appropriate way to refer to a transgender person? Why are feminists mad men asked them to smile?) because you aren't part of a certain community, but you want to be respectful in your ignorance. The Activist is your person. It can be scary to admit you don't know something, and even scarier when it's a heated topic, so this person is your go-to for how to be a more aware and considerate neighbor.

2) The Media Junkie- Again, this might be a few different people. I have friends I can text and get 5 music, book, or movie recommendations, and I could text them again next week and they could give me 5 more. These people broaden your horizon and make you think, and I'm also convinced these shared interests immortalize your friendship. There will never be talk of the good ol' days when you can talk about a new book. 

3) The Nurse- Everyone should have a friend that is in the health field. Someone you can call when you aren't sure if you should go to the ER, or that can explain glycemic index, or just give you piece of mind when WebMD tells you you're dying of infected-hangnail-syndrome. Seriously, make one of these friends NOW, because when you're sick and you don't know how much of what medicine to take, these people are the best. 

4) The Current-Events Snob- If you don't have time to read a newspaper or listen to NPR, just make friends with one of these people and enjoy the fruits of their labor. They love talking about news, and you don't look like a fool when you're talking to other people who assume you've been following Iceland's Spatula Crisis. 

5) The Lifetime Friend- Not everyone has one of these, and I know I'm lucky to have several. The lifetime friend is the person that remembers the one time you threw up in gym class in kindergarden, and when you had your first kiss in middle school. They remember all your fears, even the ones you conquered over a decade ago. They were there when you were nervous to start high school, watched you cry when you left for college, and shared your fears after graduation. For a lot of people, the lifetime friend is a sibling-- even if they aren't, you usually share moms. I know that if Becky Greene can't come to my rescue, Momma Hines will. The lifetime friend is the most difficult to hold on to (it takes a lot of flexibility for a friendship to withstand so much change) but more valuable than the other four put together (or at least 2 out of the 4. No reason to give Burt and Harrison more of an ego). 

Currently Listening...

Have I posted this before? I feel like I have. Either way, I love it and it always makes me feel wistful.

Tyler gave me a list of bands I should be listening to, so while I'm doing boring adult stuff (tonight, it's studying sales ads because I legitimately have no idea what a "good price" is for a lot of things) I can listen to new music and get out of my rut. 

November: Coming of Age Movies

Since November marks my month of new, big-girl type adventures, I decided it is totally appropriate to make this month's theme Coming of Age Movies. This was a little harder to set up as a list, so suggestions would be much appreciated!

Already Viewed:

Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky, 2012) I will never stop loving this movie. It is so perfectly sincere and honest and everything teenagers need to know, without being overly dramatic or boring.
Stuck in Love (Josh Boone, 2012) I didn't expect to even watch the whole thing, and instead I ended up loving it. If you're in the mood for a predictable but light, family-friendly romantic drama, this is it.
Palo Alto (James Franco, 2013) Blech. Go home, James Franco. This has "I am so smart give me an award" all over it.


Potential November Flicks:

Stand By Me (Rob Reiner, 1986) I've seen pieces before, but it's one of the "traditional" coming-of-ages, which is not as popular with the IMDB list-making crowd.
Rebel without a Cause (Nicholas Ray, 1955)
The Karate Kid (John G. Avildsen, 1984) I know, how have I gone this long without seeing it?
Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989)
The Spectacular Now (James Ponsoldt, 2013) This was consistently on every list I looked at for coming-of-age movies, even more than Breakfast Club.
Reality Bites (Ben Stiller, 1994)
The Virgin Suicides (Sofia Coppola, 1999) I loved the book, and this has been on my watch list for a while.
Kicking and Screaming (Noah Baumbach, 1995)
High Fidelity (Stephen Frears, 2000)


So, that's November! Let me know if you have suggestions to add!

Case of the Mondays

1. Finding a Bug on my Thermostat-- Bugs do not belong places I put my finger. Bugs do not belong anywhere in my space. There was only one, but now I'm paranoid that I'll find more.

2. Being Denied a Library Card-- In Berea, all I had to do was ask nicely and they gave me a library card. In Youngstown, they demand a photo ID proving my residency. The lady at the desk got me so flustered (she was very pushy about what kind of ID I could use and was totally skeptical when I said I didn't have any of her options since I had only moved two days ago. No, lady, I am not trying to con my way to a free library card) that I ended up walking out of the library after we ended our super uncomfortable conversation. Then once I got to my car, I realized that I could have stayed just to see the library and sit, but it was such a weird interaction that I didn't want to go back in.

3. Netflix not Connecting-- Stupid. Thankfully, Amazon instant video has my back tonight.

Now, the Good Things!

1. Getting my first package delivered- I have a real antennae now! I haven't gotten it out of the package yet, but it got here, which means other packages will also find their way to me.

2. Spending the day with Becca and Momma Wagner- They took me to an Italian restaurant (because Youngstown is super Italian) and then drove me around Boardman so I could see where everything was. Then I went to their house, so now I know how to get there!

3. Having chocolate/peanut butter cookies in my cupboard- Sure, the girlscouts do it best, but the cheap version of tagalongs are still delicious.

3 Things about this Weekend

1. Getting Excited about Adult Things- According to my timehop, last year I was excited because Clint Eastwood called me to remind me to vote. This year, I'm excited because one of the three carports open at my building is directly across from my door. Instead of $5 pitchers at Eastland Inn four times a month, I will be indulging in parking my car under a roof.

Other exciting things? Being able to put nails in my walls, buying a pet plant (which still needs a name), having family that helps move heavy furniture, living near multiple grocery stores, having a dishwasher, and getting 12 channels with my dad's wire antennae. Also, buying a new lamp was a pretty big deal.

2. Being Anxious about Adult Things- There is so much space in this apartment! I know that this is a luxury anxiety, but you could actually live in my closet (which also means murderers can lurk in there). Cooking is also very scary to me. Not the actual cooking part, but the part where I have to make responsible nutritious choices and plan ahead. Also, I haven't been overwhelmed with loneliness, but I worry about getting lonely. Usually it happens when I look at the clock thinking it's almost bedtime, but it's 6 o'clock and I still have lots of day to do something with. Yesterday I went to Kmart and Marc's and just wandered around for a while. Tonight, I'm organizing my planner and making a budget.

3. Having Basic Comforts in Adult Life- I don't care how bad the finale was, How I Met Your Mother will always be the security blanket of tv shows and having it on while I'm nesting is a Good Thing. Also, my literal security blanket (my fuzzy pink blanket I've had since freshman year) has been equally great-- especially since my apartment smells like paint, so I have to leave the porch door open and it's freezing. I'm also super happy with my shower. When I was struggling to adjust to college, Barbara told me that sometimes a warm shower is all you need to calm down and feel better. So I have everything I need to manage this!

Bonus: I am currently living 12 minutes away from my roommate's mom, and she comes up to visit her on the weekends, so it's not even like I'm starting new! Becca came over yesterday so I didn't have to sit alone all night, and she just called to check in on me and make lunch plans or tomorrow.

In a week, I will be "grown up"

...or something like that.

Anyway, to combat the overwhelming stress of coming to terms with that nonsense, I decided to make a list of the top 5 things I can't wait to do with my well-budgeted salary and adult independence!

1. Visit Barbara, Nick, and spawn- This will probably come later in the list, because I am absolutely useless when it comes to helping out with newborns. It's not even like I can cook to help out. But I can clean, and do laundry, and I do know how to watch a baby long enough for people to shower or run to the grocery store or do whatever other things it's hard to do when you first get a baby. I am really good at feeding babies once they start to do that part, too. Either way, I am excited to go be helpful and see their new house and meet the newest family member.

2. Visit Tyler- Because I have been telling him I would do it for almost a year now, and I never had the money to make it happen. So one of my long weekends (not that there are many, but still enough to take advantage of!) is going to be dedicated to a NYC trip.

3. I will find a new library, church, and pizza place- all staples of moving to a new location, I've found. Hopefully some type of bar that can feel like home, and a nice park. Some type of volunteer-ing is on the list too. Youngstown has plenty of local theaters to get involved in, among many other things.

4. NOT get a cat- someone needs to send me a weekly reminder of this. I can not afford a pet. I do not need a pet. In a year, we can reevaluate the status of a pet, but just because I am allowed to have one in my apartment does NOT mean I should just go out to the first animal shelter I find.

5. Color coordinate- Right now, my living room is a dark red with green accents. Possibly adding either brown or blue. But looking at things on etsy that I could hang on walls or use to organize my life is exciting. I have an extraordinary love for minimalist prints of fandoms I love.

From OutNerdMe on Etsy

Goodbye, plastic furniture. Hello, ikea (I've never actually been there before, so this is another big exciting moment).

Ted the Porcupine

This is a little old, but in the spirit of fall/halloween I'm posting it again. Plus, there is never a bad time for happy animals making happy sounds. 

Following up with Scary Movie Month

The Shining- I think I was in the wrong mood for this when I watched it, because I was so expecting it to be like the book in ways it wasn't, and prepared for it to be different in ways that stayed the same. I'm thinking of making February Stephen King themed, so maybe I'll revisit it then.

Psycho- I loved it, even though I had seen most of the "important" scenes. I couldn't get over how much Anthony Perkins looked like Andrew Garfield though.

Cabin in the Woods- I thought it was absolutely perfect in maintaining a level of seriousness while still being a parody/ on horror movies. Online people keep calling it a horror-spoof, but I think that makes it sound goofier than it was.

Warm Bodies- New favorite popcorn flick. So cute, so fun, and highly underrated. Zombie boy falls in love with girl, which is the cure for zombie-ism.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre- This is the biggest loser of the list. I have never been so aware of how excluded I was from an audience. The answer to every stupid question in this movie: because male-gaze. Why did Jessica Biel have her shirt tied up the whole movie? How did it stay so white and crisp? Why did Leatherface turn on the sprinkler system and get her wet?

Scream 4- I watched the first one a long time ago and had forgotten how awesome this series was. Why is it so difficult to make bad-ass women in horror? Why is it so exciting when we get characters like Sidney Prescott? This was a really great chaser after Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and hopefully the first 3 stay on Netflix after Halloween so I can watch them.

Pumpkin Ideas

My mom is having her annual pumpkin carving party tonight, and while I may not be equipped to make all of these fancy nerd pumpkins, I would love to have them in our front yard.

Pep talks.

Everyone needs one once and a while, and I am just lucky to have an amazing set of friends who are the perfect amount of supportive without getting too sentimental. 

If I ever get married, the speeches will be things of legend. 

Seriously, you're an amazing girl. This is going to be super scary but you'll come out in better shape on the other end. You're Paige Fucking Greene, Denouncer of Basic Bitches, Queen of Picky Eaters, First of Her Name, Mother of Dragons.

- Mitch 10/20/14

I believe in finding your support systems.

The Preface: The Picture of Dorian Gray

The artist is the creator of beautiful things.
     To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.

     The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
     The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. 

     Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
     Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
     They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.
     There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
     The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
     The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass. 

     The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. 

     No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved. 

     No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style. 

     No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything. 

     Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art. 

     Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art. 

     From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling, the actor's craft is the type. 

     All art is at once surface and symbol. 

     Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. 

     Those who read the symbol do so at their peril. 

     It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors. 

     Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital. 

     When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself. 

     We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

All art is quite useless.

- Oscar Wilde

Can't stop listening to...

I know I'm a little late to the party, but if you somehow haven't seen this music video, it is important. This song is not about Lebron wearing Beats by Dre.

All New Things!

New Job- I'll be working at Millwood Inc, which is a pallet company. It's in Vienna Ohio, which is about an hour from home and an hour from Berea, so I will be able to easily get to my two favorite places! My official title is "Marketing Communications Specialist" and I start November 10th. The company was really great with giving me time to handle all the transition (moving to a different state is much more demanding than just causally going to school there) and I'm excited to start being a productive member of society.

New Car- A 2012 Mazda 6. I was originally hunting for a Mazda 3, and almost ended up with a 2014 Jetta, but in the end David Greene (king of car hunting) and I picked this.

It's bluer in person (that's the first question everyone asks me-- only my uncle tom was interested in what kind of engine it had) and as my dad says, "a lot of car." Not in the sense that it is huge, just that it is hearty and well made and the first time I run it into something, it will be fine.

I'm struggling because I feel disloyal to Jarvis for replacing him, and even more so because this car is awfully stand-offish. I drove it home from youngstown and we had no connection. I've since determined that I'm pretty sure it is a girl car, and where Jarvis was a trusty old man who took care of me, this car is a partner-in-crime and mischievous. Mom has suggested that the last owner was perhaps cruel towards it (it has a lot of miles for a 2 year old car) and maybe it's just shy, which is why we're having so much trouble bonding. I think we can all agree it's a good thing I haven't been faced with a lot of serious loss in my life, considering how well I handle losing an inanimate object (which isn't even lost-- Harrison is just driving him now. He's still in the family.)

3. New Apartment- This part isn't finalized yet, but we're getting there. Aunt Lori and I went and looked at a place in Austintown that I liked, so hopefully we hear back from them soon. Otherwise, I have a list of places to look at.

With that in mind, if anyone has extra house junk they're trying to get rid of-- I am in the market. So far I have a bed frame and a love seat, but otherwise I'm starting nearly from scratch. If it didn't fit in a dorm, I got rid of it. A kitchen table and chairs is the first priority, along with something to put my TV on.

So that's all the good craziness that has been going on the past few days! I'm visiting BW for the first time next weekend, which will be really exciting. In the meantime I'll just be trying to tie up as many loose ends as possible!

Happy Founders' Day, ZTA!

Being in a sorority, in a lot of ways, was like having a boyfriend your family never really met. They heard about what was causing me stress, but missed out on the stories of nights where you sat around feeling loved. Partly, it's because greek life struggles with its identity; my chapter is different than other zeta chapters on different campuses, just like zetas at BW were different than other chapters at BW. While a lot of the big fancy words ("family" and "home away from home" and "developing leadership skills") describe any chapter on any campus, I think unique personal memories create a more honest picture.

With that in mind, here are my top 10 favorite memories in Zeta Tau Alpha (in no order):

1. The month that my roommate bought us a caterpillar so we could have a pet butterfly. She lost the container that the caterpillar was in (his name was Marshall) and started crying because she was certain it had fallen in the garbage, which we had already taken out. I ended up essentially doing a handstand in the community trash bins to dig for this stupid pet. But we found him! He ended up living a very long life, for a butterfly, and was much easier to take care of than a goldfish (besides the initial dumpster diving).

The same year, my roommate brought me to formal on a stick because I was studying abroad.

2. Discovering that my zeta family had never seen Fight Club, and getting to make them all watch it since the month earlier they made me watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. Having a bunch of other zetas interested too and turning it into an impromptu homework/movie night.

3. Having my hair done by my sisters. There are multiple occasions for this. Before greek sing my freshman year, my big came to my room to curl my hair and help me. Another greek sing, Gina did it for me (the girl who convinced me I wanted to be a zeta). My little taught me how to use a curling wand, and Becca taught me how not to use rollers. Sisters that would come to the chapter room and play with me hair. I don't love to be touched, but having my hair played with is probably the most comforting thing a person can do. My big did it during initiation when I passed out, and it was this clear moment of "oh, this person is here to take care of me and she's promising to do it always."

4. Watching the clock count down with a different roommate until the applications for EC were officially past deadline to make sure I didn't apply, because I didn't have the time. Getting the email later that extended the deadline and eventually becoming the Vice President. 

The president and I with our littles. Liz's little became VP and my little became President. 

5. Having American Horror Story night in my tiny dorm room and cramming all sorts of people from all different chapters that normally I would never have gotten to spend time with, and then turning it into a tradition. 

6. Sitting in the hallway to do homework and having sisters walk by on the way back from class, go in their rooms, and then bring their laptops out to sit on the floor with me. Honorable mention goes to the day I had given up on homework completely and was in a burrito of sadness, wrapped in homework and posters, and Maddie stopped to give me a pep-talk.

I'm convinced this girl is actually made of sunshine. 

7. The day I got my little. I had convinced myself I wasn't going to get one, and I cried and cried and cried, and then we had a candle pass and Breanna was my (only!) family member. She has made me proud ever since, but most especially when I asked if she would mind having a twin, and she said no (as long as she got to pick who it was). Luckily, we both agreed that Amber was perfect. Now my family is about to have 17 people in it. 

This is the family I got to know best- my littles on either side of me, their littles beside them. I'm about to be a great-great-grand-big. Yikes.

8. Having someone buy whatever the newest released Harry Potter movie was, and being able to walk into the chapter room at any point during that knowing it would be on. Once a Harry Potter movie was in the dvd player, it would just be on repeat until the disk died. I also vividly remember the last movie having a 24 hour period where you couldn't speak in the chapter room or turn the lights on, because people were serious about watching the deathly hallows.

9. Sitting on the smokers' bench. It might be the middle of the night and freezing, but Maggie and I would go out there just to talk. Our whole chapter knew it was the best place for a heart to heart, and you could go out there if you needed one and either someone would already be there, or someone would be there soon. For whatever reason people sometimes have trouble just admitting that they're upset, and people have a hard time asking if a person is upset, but the bench was a magical place where you could pretend you were just casually loitering until you got to the important questions.

I used this picture for two reasons: 1-It's Maggie and I and 2. That Halloween (we were spice girls) someone else dressed up like Ke$ha and the next morning it looked like someone had murdered a fairy on our bench. Sparkles for weeks.

10. Being up at 3am to get ready for Race for the Cure, and having it rain the whole time. There is something magical about a shared experience that should feel hard, but isn't when you're with awesome people (this is also how I remember marching band). Then at the race, a woman told me that she loved the rainy weather because her wig still looked good when it was wet, and it was the only time she felt like she had better hair than people that could grow their own. I will never, ever, forget how proud she was. It was humbling.

Honorable mentions: Getting a backstage tour at House of Blues, My Rho Gamma reveal, every time a sister (usually my littles) brought me applesauce/saltines/migraine medicine, april reign with Minzy and being team have-fun-but-don't-get-hurt, the day Emmy bought me a stuffed platypus because she couldn't find me floaties to help me swim (and then later her little bought me one too), lasertag night, having a bunch of zeta support at Dance Marathon, every crush party I showed up to in an ironic costume, the day I realized I wanted Suzie to be my big, and the semesters I lived in the section and got to wake to my sisters first thing every morning.