2013: In review

I've searched back, and apparently there are no blog-documented resolutions for 2013, so I'll just have to go with what I've been working on.

I resolved to not be a crier, or driven by emotion-- in some ways, I succeeded. This year altogether, I cried 12 times. That feels like a pretty significant change compared to freshman year, when I cried that many times a week. I have no issue with other people crying, and I think it's a beautiful reaction. There's a vulnerability and honesty that comes from allowing other people to see you cry. But 2013 was my year to get tough, and I needed to weed out that vulnerability. And you know what? It felt good. Wanting to cry, and then asking myself "Is this really worth it?" made me realize that often, it isn't. Crying is a way to push the feelings out; it hurts, so you need release. This year I learned how to internalize those feelings and process them. Not in a "you need to get those feelings out or you'll explode!" kind of way. I'm not pretending to be tough, because I'm not. But allowing yourself to embrace the sadness, or frustration, and resolve to deal with it rather than be victim to it is a pretty empowering feeling.

Along with that, part of 2013 was to have less pity parties. Pity parties are a form of narcissism; you are so impressed with how miserable your situation is, you just want to wallow in it. So first, I stopped inviting people to my pity parties. There was no need for me to show off just how hard I had it (which was usually not that hard at all), and turn it into a competition. Then, I stopped allowing myself the attention. My really fabulous roommates helped with this; Becca taught me a lot about being proactive, and solving your problems rather than drowning in them, and Deeg refused to give me attention. While I still need the occasional time to myself, I don't expect anyone to notice or do anything about it, and I give a deadline for how long until I suck it up and move on.

Finally, my last resolution, which comes up every year: to be alive, instead of being undead. I feel pretty good about the year, looking back. I flew by myself for the first time. I went to a color rave. I learned how to drive in Cleveland (finally!) and did some volunteering. I danced for the cure. I took advantage of our awesome theater district, and got a role as an extra in Captain America (ok, I didn't actually get to go because of vacation, but still). I went on blind dates. I learned to run. I got more involved in service, and learned how to lead a bunch of sorority women. I took rock climbing lessons, and guitar lessons. I marked off one more on my list of part-time jobs. I conquered public transit. I made friends outside of Greek Life and made some pretty awesome connections in the English department.
Most importantly, I lived outside my comfort zone.

All in all, I feel pretty good about where I went in 2013. Resolutions for 2014 to come!