Detoxing.

If I ever had any question what the measure of my cool quotient was, it's this:

On the Friday night of my spring break, I am dying of a sugar withdrawal, and then blogging about it as to not clog the social media I have over frequented during my long stay at home, which has included a lot of Phineas and Ferb.

Seriously, I don't know why I don't have more boyfriends.

I've kicked a few habits in my 20 years (most of them having been kicked within the last 3), but junk food is one that keeps coming back. Every time I'm surprised by how hard it is-- not just cravings, but how physically demanding it is. My skin hurts, my head is pounding, and I can't move without getting nauseous. I know that part of this is just how I react and that some people have more trouble with this than others, but I also think it's an indication of just how reliant my body is on sugar.

I know that if I did it gradually instead of cold turkey it wouldn't be quite so bad, but it would still suck. Only if I were to do it gradually, it would suck longer. This way it just hurts a lot for a few days. And I've done it before, so I know I can do it again. Normally, if I go completely without sugar (which is nearly impossible, unless you're straight fasting) I come out the other end after around 30 hours. I'm expecting this to take about three days, and I'm almost done with my second day, so hopefully tomorrow things will start to look up.

I'm not even making clear sentences, I know. It's just such a block. Tylenol doesn't help, aspirin doesn't help. I'm drinking liters on liters of water. All I can do is wait it out. Some physical activity would probably help, but it just hurts to move. It's like when you have the flu, and people tell you eating will make you feel better, and you know they're right, but it's hard to convince your body to eat that applesauce.

The nice thing is, I do have some pretty kick ass willpower. I'm stubborn. So when I say that I've gained 25 pounds since the summer, it's because I just stopped caring. It's like a switch. I went all summer doing so well, and I lost all that weight just to gain it back. But I also know that now that I've turned that switch back on, I'm going to start seeing progress soon. I just needed to remember what it felt like to feel healthy instead of sluggish.

So, new minimester to welcome me and new attitude to support me, I'm going to keep this detox up until Monday afternoon, when I can reward myself with some strawberry banana kale smoothie. Then I'll be back on my no nonsense diet, heavy on the pilates and yoga.

I believe in deciding to get healthy.