Small Things.

It's no secret that I've gained a lot of weight in the last year. I'm finally working towards fixing that (currently harboring a clementine addiction mixed with some excessive pilates) but in the meantime, I've just felt kind of crummy about myself. I was so proud of the progress I made over the summer, but this whole semester I just lost control of everything.

I'm not doing so hot in one of my classes, and I've barely learned anything in another, which makes my good grade seem meaningless. I let my health become last priority. Socially, I haven't been making many new connections (can you tell I've been stuck in career mode lately? I don't make friends, I network. ugh.).

I'm a control freak, and dropping so many balls at once makes it hard for me to find the motivation to pick them back up. But I finally decided I was going to at least pick up one, and for the last two weeks I've been working out consistently (although I'm still really struggling with the healthy eating. Lots of Kale, though). Two weeks isn't much time to see a change, and I haven't, which is frustrating.

But today, I stopped to talk to my roommates when I saw them getting dinner. I don't even remember what we were talking about. But after I left, the sushi guy that was making their food asked who I was, because he thought I was cute.

I don't need someone to tweet about how hot I am on BWU Confessions. I don't need people trying to reassure me that I'm beautiful, because that leaves for boring conversation. What I need is to just be happy with myself, and stop thinking of my new workouts as "fixing" and instead as "healing".

But, sushi guy reminded me that even if I'm in a hoodie and jeans, with no makeup and my hair in a ponytail, and even when I feel puffy and gross- my smile is still mine. I love who I am for the kindness in my eyes and the joy in my smile. That's something.

So tonight, I feel good. I can do a half-moon pose, AND an extended camel pose. I can do a low plank push-up. I'm content to trade my vending machine snacks for a smoothie. And somewhere out there is a sushi guy that doesn't care, because he noticed my smile.

I believe in valuing yourself.