It's good to be alive!

I've been doing a lot more journaling and a lot less blogging lately-- do you really care about seeing the list of accomplishments I'm proud of in 2015? I thought not.

So instead, let's celebrate the new year!

2016

I know, I haven been totally MIA on the blog front-- I've started a lot that never got finished, which leaves for a pretty bare blog. This isn't even a "new years resolution" blog, this is just a list.

In 2015, I got to visit:

• Nashville
• Seattle *new
• Chicago  *new
• Las Vegas  *new
• Green Bay (very briefly)
• Minneapolis (very briefly)

So a pretty good travel year, considering!

Next year, my goals are:

• Atlanta (no choice here- it's for work)
• Portland
• New Orleans (this is top of the list)
• Chicago (but this time REALLY see the city)
• Orlando (for work)
• New York City (this looks like an April trip)
• Seattle 
• Nashville 

So let's see where this next year takes us!

Jessica Jones

First of all, if you aren't watching this show, you should. It's sort of a Veronica Mars meets Phillip Marlowe meets Daredevil. Very noir. It's also an awesome example of how Marvel can make kick-ass women. I don't want to go into it too much and spoil it, but I could also go on for hours about how refreshing it is to have women that have been hurt without victimizing them. There is not a single woman in a refrigerator.

Secondly, the theme song and opening credits design is so good, and because it's a netflix show people that are binge watching will only see it the first time they turn on the tv (when the show keeps playing, it skips over the opening scene). That is a shame. Some people worked very hard on all of it, and I can't stress enough what an awesome job they did.

So, go watch! It's Marvel's first super-female led project, and I want more.

On Being an Artist

I will also add that my boss is an artist, and not a cranky robot. So while I may be a chicken sighing at my desk, I am not a starving chicken, and can afford the time to write when I get home.

Currently Reading: "On Writing" - Steven King

“Talent renders the whole idea of rehearsal meaningless; when you find something at which you are talented, you do it (whatever it is) until your fingers bleed or your eyes are ready to fall out of your head. Even when no one is listening (or reading or watching), every outing is a bravura performance, because you as the creator are happy. Perhaps even ecstatic.”

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” 

"And what about those [writers' workshop] critiques, by the way? How valuable are they? Not very, in my experience, sorry. A lot of them are maddeningly vague. I love the feeling of Peter's story, someone may say. It had something... a sense of I don't know... there's a loving kind of you know... I can't exactly describe it....

It seems to occur to few of the attendees that if you have a feeling you just can't describe, you might just be, I don't know, kind of like, my sense of it is, maybe in the wrong fucking class.”

This Week

1) Beware of grouch Paige. This week lots of little bothers rolled into each other and turned me into one raging angry faux-adult. I took Friday off to work on an attitude adjustment and to spare my coworkers of my bitch-mouth, but I woke up late and wasted half the day, which only makes me grumpier.

2) Faith and The Human Spirit- You know what's a good way to snap out of a bad mood? Go see The 33. It's the kind of movie that makes you cry happy tears, and since you already know what happens to the Chilean miners you don't really have to spend the movie in a state of anxiety. I love the idea that you can be a Christian and believe God had a hand in keeping them all safe, or you can be anything else and still recognize that their faith in God kept them together. I want to believe in something so strongly that I could have that security.

3) You know what I do have faith in? My personal trainer, who continues to not take any shit from me while still being very nervous about my health. She's convinced I need to see a neurologist and is constantly worried I'm going to drop a weight on myself or pass out. She's not wrong to be worried, but she also has a unique perspective in that she sees my body working every week, knows what I eat, and is still concerned. A doctor you might see once, they suggest you eat better, and then they send you away. So there's a certain amount of validation in someone paying that close attention that can say "I see you struggling, and I see your body working differently than others, and Something is wrong."

4) Eating Healthier for that trainer- Ugh, do I hate protein drinks. But the rest of what she's instructed me to do isn't so bad. Lemon water (not water with lemon, but a glass of water with straight lemon juice in it) has been a surprisingly effective and easy change in my diet that's given me more energy, supposedly will help me lose weight, and also is giving my skin a boost.

5) And when I don't eat healthy? Thursday, the Taco Bell boy gave me the senior citizen discount because he thought I was cute. This also occasionally happens at my movie theater. Humble brag? Maybe. Weird compliment? I'll take it.

Movie Treat of the Week: The 33

QOTD: Nelson Mandela

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” 

Listening Today

3 Things

1) Being Sick- Two months ago, I bought myself a ticket to see Gillian Flynn (one of my top 5 favorite authors) speak at CWRU. The tickets weren't cheap, but they sold out quickly and it was worth it. Unfortunately, I did not get to go, which is making me sad. Nothing like getting up in the morning and thinking "I don't want to go to work, but I can't go to my speaker if I don't go to work," and then around 3:30 realize I'm too worn out to go. The only silver lining on all this is that the tickets were a fundraiser for the library, so when it all comes down to it I didn't "waste" my $30. Cuyahoga County Library gave me a library card when I was a PA citizen going to an Ohio college and it was one of the best libraries I've seen. So I can live with having given them some extra money.

2) Straws- I love straws. I love making my mom's special juice mix and mixing it with a straw. I love reading or watching tv or laying down and still being able to drink. I love how much easier it is to drink a lot, when you're super dehydrated and you just have to keep it up. But my cousin tells me straws are bad for the environment, so I must end this relationship.
Giving up straws feels like giving up your favorite blanket that you only take out when you're sick. But once I get through the package I was given when I moved in, I will not buy any more straws. Right now that mostly means I'm being very choosy about when I get to use them. If anyone knows of earth-friendly straws that aren't a pain to wash, send them my way.

3) Working from Home- I should not have stayed at work all day yesterday, but I'm learning. Sitting at my desk with a fever and exploding head mostly means I stare at the computer and get nothing done. Sitting in my bed with my heat pad and glasses of juice I can actually concentrate and be a little productive. So that's where I'll be this morning! Wish me luck that I shake this off before the end of the week.

Cooking.

This weekend I attempted to pre-cook some meals in preparation of the rest of the week. This looks very adult and organized on pinterest; in my kitchen, it's a little more touch-and-go.

Part of my problem is that there is some very stubborn part of me that's certain I know better than the recipe. This is half right; I won't like how the recipe does it. I just don't know how to substitute things I do like. That's a Becky Greene skill that I have not yet acquired--although she keeps reminding me that when she was my age she wasn't the cook she is now, and that I will learn by continuing to practice.

The problem is, practice is expensive and time consuming. I'm pretty sure I just started something in my slow cooker that will end up costing me 6 hours and $10 (not bad for several meals, but a bummer to waste) for some chicken that I won't eat because I put way too much water in. Not something I will be in a hurry to recreate, but I do think I already figured out the solution I should have tried.

I have mastered any pasta and meatballs. I have ravioli I keep meaning to make, but opening a jar of sauce is a commitment in itself as well. Partly there is just no good way to buy food in bulk/cheaper but cook for one person without anything getting spoiled. Breakfast is an easy solution, but I started missing the feeling of three meals a day. Veggies are still not finding their way on my plate, but I have some plans for that.

What are your best cooking recipes for picky eaters with very little time? Think creamy sauces with no fanciness, or veggies with lots of sugar or salt. Essentially it's like cooking for a toddler.

Home -Warsan Shire

no one leaves home unless
home is the mouth of a shark
you only run for the border
when you see the whole city running as well


your neighbors running faster than you
breath bloody in their throats
the boy you went to school with
who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory
is holding a gun bigger than his body
you only leave home
when home won’t let you stay.

no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
pitied

no one chooses refugee camps
or strip searches where your
body is left aching
or prison,
because prison is safer
than a city of fire
and one prison guard
in the night
is better than a truckload
of men who look like your father
no one could take it
no one could stomach it
no one skin would be tough enough

the
go home blacks
refugees
dirty immigrants
asylum seekers
sucking our country dry
niggers with their hands out
they smell strange
savage
messed up their country and now they want
to mess ours up
how do the words
the dirty looks
roll off your backs
maybe because the blow is softer
than a limb torn off

or the words are more tender
than fourteen men between
your legs
or the insults are easier
to swallow
than rubble
than bone
than your child body
in pieces.
i want to go home,
but home is the mouth of a shark
home is the barrel of the gun
and no one would leave home
unless home chased you to the shore
unless home told you
to quicken your legs
leave your clothes behind
crawl through the desert
wade through the oceans
drown
save
be hunger
beg
forget pride
your survival is more important

no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear
saying-
leave,
run away from me now
i dont know what i’ve become
but i know that anywhere
is safer than here

Room

I finally finished Emma Donoghue's "Room" which my aunt bought me for my birthday. I've been slacking with my 2015 reading goals, but I did also finish "Why Not Me?" by Mindy Kahling. I almost always have an audiobook and a regular book going, so if you count it (and I do) then I might be closer to my goal.

First, the trailer for the movie:

The actual events of the book aren't a surprising twisty plot-- you pretty much can tell that they are in room, and then they will escape. But it's not really about that. It's a mother-son novel, a coming-of-age novel, a novel about rebirth...but not tragedy porn. The closest I can get to describing it without spoiling anything is that it's very much like The Lovely Bones. We know what happens in the beginning, we know there is something awful, but that's not the subject of the book. Room goes even further because Donoghue makes a very deliberate choice to keep the antagonist arm's length from the reader. This is not a book about a serial killer where he takes over the victim's story. This is about Ma and Jack.

I'll talk about Mindy Kahling's book later in a 5 things about last week post- I feel behind in October, so we're just going to pretend that month never happened and move right through November.

Anyway, go read Room. 4/5 stars, would read again.

October: Scary Movie Month!

I'm a little behind, but here's my list of movies I want to watch this October to keep up with everyone else in the world:

1) Poltergeist
2) The Exorcist (I actually think I watched this last year, but I barely remember it)
3) The Skeleton Key (Ryan's request)
4) Nightmare on Elm Street
5) Friday the 13th
6) Sleepy Hollow
7) It
8) Interview with a Vampire
9) Rear Window
10) Dawn of the Dead


I don't know what I'm forgetting, but I'm very open to suggestions!

Some Pictures from Vegas

Our very fancy hotel

This was actually in the Bilagio- it was supposed to be directed like the ocean, but instead it was decorated just like fall in PA!

The start of our booth. This was day two of 4 for set up.  

It wouldn't be a trip without some food pictures.

More set up pictures; this was all accomplished in triple-degree weather.

So when I got home, I was all about room service and fancy smoothies

This is a view of our hotel from the mall across the street

I only saved up for one big adventure on the trip, and so I took myself on a helicopter ride! I managed to get quite a few things off the bucket list all in one event.

I also got to sit next to the pilot, which was pretty cool.

We saw the hoover dam, and Celine Dione's house, and a lot of desert

We also went through the grand canyon, which I took a lot more pictures of but none of them really do it justice. If you want to know what it looks like from a helicopter, you should try it firsthand. 

We also went over the strip, so I was able to see all sorts of buildings from a pretty amazing view. I wanted to jump off the stratosphere, but mom told me I wasn't allowed. I guess I'll have to wait until the next show.

My pictures outside the helicopter.

Finally, after 11 days in a city that could not be more at odds against my personality, we were on our way home! We got back around 2am and I spent the whole weekend recovering. 

All in all, the trip was VERY succesful and every bit worth the exhaustion. Everyone was so helpful, our sales team was on fire, and we made the trip very worth it. And now that I know I can do it, Atlanta next April should be a breeze!

Some things from my Business Trip

1) I can do hard things. More importantly, I am actually pretty good at problem solving. While I might fret about what could go wrong, I actually really love a good crisis. Basically I'm the Olivia Pope of selling packaging equipment.

2) Hydration is key- this is true of travel at any time, but I worked especially hard on it while in Vegas. We spent hours setting up our booth in 103 degree weather. I took vitamins and drank water and ate smoothies, and I managed to make it through the show without getting sick.

3) If Vegas were a person, it would be my arch nemesis- loud, tacky, expensive, and self-involved. Every city has it's own personality, and while I think I'm probably a Seattle or a Portland, I would date Boston and be best friends with Cleveland or Nashville. But Vegas? Vegas is everything I cannot stand in a person

4) Rob Thomas wrote my life- Rob Thomas (creator of Veronica Mars and iZombie) is the understated Joss Whedon. Please, do not write off iZombie like I initially did. Rob Thomas has this gift for creating fierce, sassy women who get shit done and are the perfect balance of a tough softie. iZombie is essentially just Veronica Mars with the added zombie story-line. It's on Netflix next week, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. It made for excellent hotel entertainment.

5) Recovering afterwards- I got home Friday around 2am. I'm still unable to get out of bed before noon, so I've missed the first two days of Applefest, but I finally made it to hermitage where there is a Leonardo's pizza and Daffin's chocolate waiting for me. Cross your fingers that tomorrow I can get back into my normal rhythm (doubtful though, since tonight is the first SNL episode of the season).

True American

"So, it's 50% drinking game, 50% life-size Candy Land."
"Well, it's more like 75% drinking, 20% Candy Land, and by the way the floor is molten lava."
"It's actually 90% drinking and then it's got a loose Candy Land-like structure to it."

It's important to know that even when attempting to play a drinking game, my friends are all responsible and nerdy and do things like quote historical figures and use practical knowledge of physics. 

So while my grammy may be reading this and thinking "What is my granddaughter doing?" Just know that the night ended with us getting tired of drinking before the game was over and watching Netflix. Kimmy Schmidt > Alcohol.

For a while, I was the American Harry Potter supporting gay rights. That might not be obvious. 

Tights and a skirt is actually not great for jumping around on pillows, so I traded my outfit for an Arrow costume.

The oppression of women, circa pre-suffrage movement.

Swiper no swiping? 

This was actually Alex's birthday cake, but I forget why it became wedding-esque.

 At some point we did divert from the American theme, since I'm pretty sure they were on the trail of tears at this point, but that got a little depressing. It seems like the memorable parts of American history were mostly the negative ones, which eventually became a bummer. 

I did end up learning my lesson about using a bow without an arm guard, but otherwise I had a perfect night with my best friends who are the greatest distraction from work-related anxiety. These people are everything.

Inspiring Ambition

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

                                                                              - Helen Keller

My Promise to Rebecca S Greene:

Becky Greene wins mother of the year again, for this whole past weekend. I feel like this perfectly sums up my mother: we didn't get to go to the fair, so she bought me polka dot socks. I read too much Harry Potter, so she made me lie on the floor and got me ice packs for my headache. I was anxious and sick, so she turned on How i Met your Mother (this actually made me cry, in the way that you do when you are tired of feeling sick and someone so perfectly understands what you need). She brought me applesauce and held my hand in the dark when I was queasy with a migraine. She laughed about elephants that knock over tourists (no one got hurt).

So, instead of waiting until mother's day to say something nice about her, or to get something nice for her, I would like to make the following 5 promises to my mummy:

1) I promise to stop saying "hate" when I mean "extremely dislike."
2) I promise to do 10 minutes of yoga every morning and every night, and to always drink enough water.
3) I promise not to read for longer than an hour without getting up to stretch.
4) I promise to make time every month to dye her hair.
5) I promise to save her place in my coloring book and not let anyone color her page.

Love you Becky Greene!

Ennui

1) Labor Day- Labor Day is "a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers." That's right, a holiday to celebrate working people. That being said, you can keep your pious facebook posts to yourself. Yes, it is important to think of our soldiers, but photos of caskets with captions like "it's not just a three day holiday" are missing the mark. Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, yes. Labor Day, no.

2) Taveling- I have done none of it the past few months, and that makes me angry. I should have planned a trip this weekend. My family doesn't like it when I go places by myself, but sometimes that's the only option. Instead I am grumpy in Austintown with a list of chores.

3) Demo Derby - Is tonight, so I'm doing that. It is so out of character for me, and I know it, but a perfect example of why you should always try anything once. That being said, I also have a cucumber-kale-spinach-broccoli juice in the fridge waiting for me for breakfast.

4) The Weather- I am so ready for it to be fall. Give me 60 degrees with all my beautiful Pennsylvania leaves. I have been so patient.