Beginning of the End

Tomorrow (or later today, rather) I'll be moving back into my dorm at BW for my last semester. It will also be the day that my peers start posting their "last first day, omg omg omg" statuses. We started at BW hyperventilating together during orientation, and now we're ending it together by hyperventilating over leaving. We got lost on campus together, added facebook friends that we didn't really know, and joined clubs we would never attend meetings for. We went to MNM events and sat in our lounges because we were told that was how to meet people. And eventually, somehow, we became adjusted. We made a new home, just like we were promised. And now we have to get ready to leave.

I think the best part of all this is that as freshman, we felt alone in our struggles. People kept telling us that we weren't the only ones that felt alienated or lost, but it was hard to believe it when you didn't see it. As seniors, even though we are far less prepared for what will happen, and our experiences will all be different after graduation, we carry this anxiety as a group. I know I'm not alone in my graduation stresses. And for me, that makes graduation a lot less scary than coming to college was. Maybe I'm leaving the country and you're staying in Cleveland, but I can at least count on us both being angsty about what happens next.

For me, it isn't the leaving that's scary. It's the idea that somehow, I will get my diploma and become a different person. I will no longer be Paige Greene, Student, I'll be Paige Greene, Employee. It's a part of my identity I've held for 16 years. I think that's why the idea of grad school is so appealing- it's different, and it's hard, but you still get to hold on to "student." It's like the jump from high school to college all over again; meet new people, find a new home, make a new life. But you're still the same person.

Graduated Paige probably wears a lot more blazers, and hopefully learns how to accessorize. Maybe she walks powerfully in heels, and talks on her phone like she's important. She probably doesn't bite her nails, and I bet she even eats lentils. 

Or maybe not. 

Changing is inevitable. I will grow up, and have different responsibilities. My makeup might be more consistently neutral, and maybe I'll watch the news more often. But when I look back on the times I really changed, it wasn't the events or the situations. It was the people. 

That's why this semester, I'm going to do a weekly challenge to shout-out to the people that changed me. Because I like reflection, and I think people should know when they are awesome. So look out for those in the future.

In the meantime, I've got my stuff packed and I am ready to get home.