Today I love: Comfort

Lately, I have been feeling scarce.

There is a book, 29 Gifts (it's not that great so don't bother reading it, I'm about to follow up the main points) where a woman becomes terminally ill and decides she will do something for someone else every day. She discusses how generosity makes you feel more alive, whereas scarcity (giving of yourself to excess) depletes your energy. The difference is often your own attitude.

For whatever reason, I've had trouble resetting my attitude lately. I'm unfocussed and grumpy at work, so I come home and have a poor dinner and get a bad night's sleep, then I wake up the next morning grumpy, etc. Earlier this week I realized that I was probably not that fun to be around, and maybe it would be good for both me and my coworkers if I took a day off.

Then tonight, I went through my notebook from when I was in the Netherlands. Which is the emotional equivalent of watching Chinatown.

It starts with such naive hope and optimism and every page gets slightly gloomier and more ominous until eventually you see the exact moment where I broke. I did not snap. Snapping is something you do when you're hard and angry. The Netherlands broke me.

But it was exactly what I needed to recharge, because sometimes all you need is a little reminder that you are living exactly what you needed a year ago. Sometimes I'm lonely in my apartment, but I'm never more than an hour away from one of my favorite people. I might get bored, but that also translates to "super comfortable" which is something I needed in excess a year ago. Sometimes my job is hard, but it's never, EVER the kind of hard that a language barrier produces.

So holy perspective, batman.

Tomorrow is going to be the best day, because I will spend it at home, where I have become so comfortable and happy I've convinced myself I shouldn't like it. I have milk in gallon jugs and air conditioning and I can read the labels to figure out which bottle is shampoo and which is conditioner. I can stay in bed and watch tv, and no one will care, or I can leave the house to go to a movie, and still no one will care.

I feel much less scarce and much more grateful for my beautiful, kind, comfortable life.