Cooking

Something I am not good at.

I have a few problems with cooking. First, I'm picky. There really isn't a lot of variety to my diet, so trying to get all my nutrition is a struggle. You would think with such a small selection of choices, it would be easier, but no- I have the worst time just choosing what to eat. If my mom hasn't planned it for dinner, I have no idea how to come up with something more creative than a sandwich or cereal. Can I cook more than that? Yes. But I don't want to, and I don't want to make the decision. Usually because I'm so hungry by the time I realize I should have had dinner, I'd rather just have a quick bowl of cheerios.

I also have serious patience issues. I am a girl that likes to keep things moving. I hate waiting, and I hate being unproductive. So I don't have time for any silly "preheating" nonsense, which is why I am incapable of making slice and bake cookies. Once I'm finished with the mixing and the preparing, it goes in the oven, regardless of if it took me 5 or 20 minutes.

Then there's just ability. I really don't know how to cook a lot of food that I do like, but my plan this summer is to get better at that. So far I've learned chicken and cheeseburgers, which is pretty valuable to me. I'd like to learn spaghetti, but we'll get to that.

I'd really just like to marry a man that can cook. I can totally picture myself being that person that eats boxed dinners and breakfast foods for dinner week after week. It actually doesn't sound bad at all to me. But I realize a girl needs more than that, so I've been practicing to get as prepared as I can for apartment life next year.

I believe in accepting your weaknesses, but still trying.

People Talk

Almost Lifelike (my brother and his friends' band) just released a new demo, called "people talk". I don't know how to link bandpage on here, but maybe he can. Here's their facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/almostlifelike

In it, he and Alec basically announce who they are. Things like, I'm a Boyscout, I can't swim, I cried at the end of P.S. I love you, I play Magic... and so on.

They probably won't appreciate the connection, but in some ways, it made me think of Mean Girls- at the end, when they stand up and apologize to everyone, then do a trust fall. Only instead of apologizing, you're basically doing the opposite. You're saying "This is me, hope it's good enough for you".

It sounds really liberating, but I'm not sure I could do it. There are some pretty ugly things I've done, that I haven't even come to terms with myself, let alone sharing it with others. At the same time- why pretend?

I'm still chewing on the idea, and what I would say. But if you could proudly announce to the world who you are, faults and all- what would you include? What makes me, me? Because I have a lot of pieces that I only share with certain groups. Maybe finding my inner peace is just making those couple different slices of Paige one whole person.

Seems pretty legit.

I believe in being yourself, regardless of the aftermath. (this doesn't mean I am brave enough to do it)

Grown Up Problems

It used to be I would get so excited by the prospect of new gifts, and going shopping. Lately, my wish list has featured less ipods and fake spy gear, and more of these:



I mean seriously- a digital toaster? So new age! I don't really need one with four slots, but still.

And when did I stop worrying about the color options, and more about whether its bag-less or not? (PS- totally prefer no bag. Vacuuming around a rat cage 3 times a week just makes that inefficient).




I was always excited to grow up, but now I'm thinking maybe it isn't all that exciting. Yes, I can drive and have my own job- but I'm spending more money on utensils and dishware than on makeup and hair products. I guess this is adulthood.

But really. I'm excited to pick out my own plates, too. But that goes back to colors (not to mention, shapes. I always wanted square dishes!).

I believe it was time to move out of a dorm, and into an apartment.

Receiving Help

...is something I am not good at, anymore. I used to be TOO good at asking for help- now, I mostly do neither.

People like to talk about themselves. And even when people are talking to me, specifically with intentions of helping- I tend to turn the conversation towards them, and their life. (The one exception to this is Barbara, who I talk about myself with way more than I should, and never get to hear much about her life). I am excellent at distraction.

I need to not resent people that I perceive to have more support than me, because I reject my support.

But sometimes, most of the time- all the time; I don't want to talk about it.

Me from two years ago wouldn't even recognize me today. I'm not sure if she would be proud or disappointed.


I believe... I'm not sure. I believe I've tried both, and I'm not sure which extreme is better.

I probably believe in some mythical perfect space in the middle.

5 Things to Be Happy About

It was a long, exhausting day, but you know what? Those are the most important times to count your blessings.

1. I made it to work on time today; I had 15 minutes to get from Kmart to the Mall, and I needed to change in between- but I did it, and I'm proud. One less thing to worry about, and I feel seriously accomplished, because changing a shirt while you drive and try to eat a meal bar- that deserves some self recognition.

2. I got up early! I used to be a morning person, but then I went to college. I've decided I'm going to try to be out of bed by 8am every morning, because amazingly, days seem much longer when I do that.

3. Because I got up early, I went to the gym and had an awesome workout, which always makes me feel better through the rest of the day. I even tried a different machine than what I usually use, and it kicked my ass.

4. My mom made me scrambled eggs when I came home from work, since I hadn't had anything but a fiber bar and I need more protein in my life. I hardly ever get to eat what my mom cooks anymore, which is sad because its summer time, and I should be taking advantage of not cafeteria food. But tonight, I got a dinner from mom, made with love.

• Then, for an extra point (5a, we'll call it), we're watching HIMYM together. And it looks like Robin will be going to the mall.

5. I have an awesome discount at BBW, and I buy way too much stuff- but they also give me lots of things, too. Like a bottle of Malibu Heat lotion, because I won the project knowledge drawing. And then the aromatherapy candle was on sale, and I wanted a scentable for the car... so I left with a few prizes for myself :)


I believe in ending my day on a positive note.

BSA

I have always loved the boy scouts. My ex was (and still is) really involved, as well as his family, and I gained a lot of insight into the organization. They do really, really great things, and have the potential to make some great men. At this time, Alec is currently spending his summers taking groups of young men on week long camping trips, where they kayak, rock climb, cave, and repel, among lots of other really cool physically strenuous activities.

If you haven't kept up with what's going on in BSA right now, google it. It's too hard to find an unbiased source, or I would find one for you, but you really need to read a few to get an idea of what's happening.

    
I can tell you based on experience, these (above) people rock. Leaders of a group can not always serve as representatives to the members- so while I refer to it as "BSA", I'm thinking of those people in charge, not the caring and responsible boys I met at Custaloga Town.



Basically, they are holding on to the original policy that gay people are not allowed to join.  Which I just have so, so many feelings about, and after talking about it with our resident Eagle scout, have decided:

1. BSA is a private club, just like a fraternity, or the elks club, or anything else. They have the right to decide who and who is not permitted in their group, just like I am not allowed to join Alpha Kappa Alpha (an african american sorority).

• A lot of people are confused on the whys of their choosing this- it has a lot less to do with finances (although, Alec said this would be a huge deal), and more with religious beliefs. The boyscouts are teaching men to lead a Christian life [edit: they don't teach "christian" ideals specifically, but to be a member you do have to follow a religion, so no agnostics or atheists], with those religious morals and values. In my eyes, this is just another example of the church's problems with homosexuality. Perhaps we could make an Episcopalian boyscout group? :) Either way, the real issue is that they think homosexuals are bad people that don't apply to the moral code BSA tries to keep.

2. While it would cost  more to accommodate openly gay men, I don't think it is nearly as big of a deal as everyone is saying. I realize it would be a change, and that would be hard at first. But there are women on staff, and they just have separate tents. It would not be impossible. I think excluding an entire group because it would be hard or expensive if pretty lame, actually.

• I don't hold to the idea that every gay person is a pervert, and we need to protect the straight men and keep them separated. That's ridiculous. However, gay people are different than straight people, if only in that one little aspect. I don't think that's bad- but just like I would expect special accommodations because I'm a women, I think it's fair not just for the straight men, but for the gay ones too, to ask for separate lodging. They are special, and should be treated that way. My mother always said the most unfair thing you can do is treat everyone the same. I can't imagine how hard it would be at that age, and how uncomfortable it would be, if I had to sleep in a tent with boys. Realizing I'm not a gay teen going through puberty, maybe I'm off track here, but it just seems like it could save a lot of stress and angst. 

3. I think it royally stinks that a group that carries it's men from age 6 to 18, and then into adulthood, would bring sexuality into it as a certain standard they look for.  How many 6 year olds know their sexual preferences? Are you seriously suggesting that they can join, and they are good people, up until 12 or 13 when they become more self aware, and in that case they have to leave? There is enough humiliation and rejection during the middle school years, and so it seems doubly sad that they will be starting that part of their life with rejection not just from their peers, but from the adults that they were looking up to. This part is what enrages me more than anything.




I think maybe it's the culture that I hate the most. I understand wanting to know if your child is going on a camping trip with a gay adult- just like you might want to know if it is a woman. But that's where I draw the line. Because I don't think anyone should be ashamed of their sexuality, and no one has any right judging it. So sure, maybe they might want to know- but not because it matters. Truly, how big of a deal would it be for a mother to take a bunch of boys on a camping trip? Little to none, because you think of a mother as nurturing, and protective. So...why can't a gay dad be, too? Since when was sexuality an indication of perversion? To me, it's as important as gender. It exists, but it doesn't dictate who you are.

Alec and I agree, in the next few generations a lot of this will be phased out. In the meantime, all you can do is continue to act as a role model to show people that you will still be an open and loving individual, and hope that they will follow you in that path. That's what I'll be doing. I don't hate the boy scouts- they do some really, really great things. I think it's sad that they have such a black mark on an otherwise great organization, that I was proud of loving. But I do hope that they grow out of this when the rest of the world does.


I believe in growing out of old prejudices, and working towards, rather than rejecting, harmony in society.

Arctic Monkeys

I'm  on an Arctic Monkeys kick lately. I finally got spotify premium, and they've been my workout mix since.

I was looking up what it meant, and all these people had these really deep and serious ideas, until someone brought up a video of Alex saying:

"That's something [the title] someone said," he outlined. "In fact, I said it to somebody whose chair I moved and I didn't want them to hurt themselves."
He added: "This was while we were in the studio doing the Submarine recording and James [Ford, producer] said, 'Oh, that sounds like it could be like a '60s garage 'Nuggets' tune and be called that. So then we thought, 'Well, OK if that's what you can't do, then what sort of ridiculous things can you do that are probably more dangerous than if you just sat down?"


I believe in investing in new bands.