Being disliked, Being liked, and Recognizing neither matters

There's been some disharmony lately in my life, and while at first I was worn out by it, I saw this quote from C.S. Lewis that changed my perspective;

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different?"

I feel stuck, and trapped in this situation-- lately I've been feeling like my past is coming up to swallow me whole, and I can't escape it because no matter what I do, nothing is changing. My actions won't change the situation, other people's actions aren't changing the situation, and I'm stuck in this cycle that has been circulating since freshman year.

But obviously, I'm different from who I was freshman year. I'm different from who I was a year ago, and from who I was last semester, even. So even if I feel like my life has been repetitive; something changed. Because here I am.

I don't like for people to be unhappy with me. I'm a people pleaser, and I always have been. I don't buy into all that "even when I shouldn't be, I make others happy" nonsense- I truly believe you should always be working for peace, even when it isn't the easiest or most convenient thing. I'll even go so soft to say that I think there are times that you absolutely have to sacrifice your own happiness for others. Because that's how it works, to me. That's what a family is, and a community is just a huge family. Otherwise, we're all just people getting into each other's space.

So here I am, in the middle of this discord, and while it is hard, and sometimes it hurts- I just try to remember who I want to be, after all of it is over. Because this might last a week, it might last a month- but my actions in this situation will eventually become my identity. It isn't about making excuses, or finding reasons why something is or isn't acceptable-- retaliation in kindness and strength are the only means that I find appropriate, and the only way I know how to stay true to who I am. It doesn't matter who the person is, or what they're doing (obviously, since you've read this far without knowing). It's about my actions. I won't let another person affect who I will eventually become, especially not in a negative way.

So, it's been a trying week or so. But I firmly believe it will get better, and I will be better because of it.

I believe in compassion.